Tesco announce rocketing profits and laugh in the face of the ash cloud

Bitterwallet - Tesco Extra fined for rat infestation Big fat cigar-chomping supermarket Tesco have got their wad out and laid it on to a groaning table today as they announce pre-tax annual profits of a not-so-shabby £3.176 billion in 2009.

That’s a recession-battering increase of 10 per cent on the previous 12 months and in case you thought Tesco planned to greedily hog all the cash for themselves, they’ve announced that they’ll be creating 16,000 new jobs in the coming year, with 9,000 of them in the UK. Hallelujah!

If that wasn’t enough, Tesco head honcho Sir Terry Leahy has proudly boasted that no goddamn stinking ash cloud is going to stop him from raking in the cash while serving his customers. He claims that only 1% of Tesco’s produce is flown through the currently-clogged skies and that flowers and fruit sourced from Kenya will continue to come over land.

He said: “We have helped Kenyan farmers by allowing them to send flowers and fruit to Spain, and collecting there.” The goods are collected from Spain and then transported on to the UK by truck, allowing the Kenyans to continue to receive the top dollar that we’re CERTAIN Tesco pay them for their efforts.

Hooray for Tesco! Isn’t it? Well…?


  • Gray P.
    Doesn't everyone shop at ASDA these days? I hate it, but it isn't Tesco
  • Nobby
    ASDA is fine for black bin bags. There on offer til December. Long and black and slender. No matter what your gender. Bi, straight or bender.
  • G G.
    Just rip with me and tear with me and rip with me right now
  • wonky h.
    nobby the toff shopping at ASDA. Surely it's all Aldi and Netto these days.
  • Pheonix
    If you're feeling rather hungry, hey there's a product you'll remember. Eat it hot or cold on Sunday, or you can put it in a blender. Corned Beef with chips or with salad, It's corned beef - even Buckingham Palce eats corned beef. Hey why don't you try corned beef hash
  • Alexis
    Strangely deprived of proper Tescos up here. Plenty of diddy Extras, but it's all Sainsburys, Asda and Morrisons in Manchester.
  • stuart
    well i'll be keeping my eyes out for a job with them! TOTALLY sick of the way morrisons treats its staff. as for shopping, i very rarely shop at work! always goto asda as its far cheaper & better quality. next fav is tesco
  • Gk
    It's no wonder they have such profits, they're taking over the world! I even shop at Tescos here in Seoul, Korea after both Wal-mart and Carrefour pulled out. Same formula too, easy home delivery and pushing affordable ready meals (see Korean ready meals line: http://www.flickr.com/photos/gkpics/4507802711/ for example )
  • Gunn
    So how exactly are they the cheapest if they are making the most profit.... damn economics
  • Nobby
    > nobby the toff shopping at ASDA. Surely it’s all Aldi and Netto these days. No, I just watch comedy DVDs. The wife does the shopping. I couldn't give a fuck where.
  • Farina M.
    Ich liebe Tesco ganz doll <3

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