Revolution Warning: Greggs may raise prices

10 August 2010

riot policeThis is a public warning that there may be rioting and revolution in the North.

Pasty-makers, Greggs, have sent out a message which could see Northerners out on the streets, pillaging and looting and demanding governmental reform. They may well stick some heads on spikes if things continue in this fashion. You see, Greggs have spoken about the rising wheat prices which will contribute to tougher trading conditions in the coming months.

Ingredient costs would rise after the price of wheat hit a 22-month high last week, with wildfires in Russia devastating crops. This of course, could see the price of cheese and ham slices increasing, as well as the staple meat and potato pastie.

The loss of these in our Northern communities (all the Bitterwallet writers at present are Northern) could see the glue of security evaporate and obeying the law would fade into memory as angered men and women kick policemen to death with frustration. The police have been put on alert and are apparently sending the word to the London Met to be on standby for back-up.

The BBC report that the company continues to do well financially and hopes to open 50 more shops this year. This is, of course, a stark warning to our Southern cousins. You have Greggs popping up in your towns. Don't get addicted like we did.

Rioting has already broken out in Oswaldtwistle in Lancashire where a man called Greg was beaten to death with his own limbs, which locals tore off and eventually used in a makeshift communal pastie, not unlike a steak-bake.

We'll keep you up to speed.

TOPICS:   High Street News   Economy

22 comments

  • having t.
    prices have already gone up, last year a sausage roll was 50p and now they're 58p Mr Gregg must be rolling in it
  • Darren
    "(all the Bitterwallet writers at present are Northern) " That explains a lot....
  • ACID
    WTF?? IS DIS REAL???
  • Martin
    Yeah Darren, it explains why they have a sense of humour? You pompous arse
  • a b.
    @ Darren yer soft southern twat,your type really make me puke you vacuous toffee nosed turd pusher
  • a b.
    @Acid take some pepto and fuck off
  • a b.
    the next cunt to post on here ill twat em wi a black puddin
  • Noodles
    i hate greggs..cheap food for the chavs
  • ButterMan
    They use wheat? Getthefuckouttahere
  • Paul C.
    Northener's culinary lifeline is Greggs? I never really had you bloggers pegged as chavs and gypos - actually seeing as you're northern that should be 'charvas' and 'scallies'- but wonders never cease on this blog. No wonder Lidl and Aldi do a roaring trade up there.
  • Alexis
    There was a policeman in Eccles Greggs today, trying to keep the peace.
  • Mr G.
    I'm in hiding until further notice
  • The B.
    Why specifically would it upset Northerners? It's the largest food chain in the UK with Maccy D's running a close second.
  • mike
    when a pie cost more than chips & gravy that is a sad sad day...
  • zeddy
    Single mothers were said to be "weeping in the streets" at the loss of Britney's chicken bake pacifier.
  • RafeDonson
    Given that Gregg's cheese and onion pasties are pretty poor anyway, who cares? Both Hampsons/Sawyers and Carr's pasties are vastly superior, containing far more cheese than Greggs'
  • cornish b.
    We dont seem to have a greggs in Conrwall. We only have real pasties down here....but to balance things we also have ginsters
  • cornish b.
    Conrwall, haha, ooops slip of the tounge or hint of truth.
  • PaddyJ
    Crikey, some of you guys should really get a sense of humour!!
  • marlboro m.
    On Friday and Saturday nights the Greggs outside central station in Newcastle actually has a bouncer to keep the peace.
  • MaiSam
    Its also open till 4am.. Wish they all were.
  • Tim
    Greggs pasties. Lol! Even Ginsters can't make proper pasties. Just pop into one of the shops in Hayle, e.g. Philps.

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