Non-existent promotional toy of the day - the Major Lazer action figure

Back in the 1980s, it seemed that every kids cartoon show had a range of pricey action figures that you could collect. Acquiring them would show your devotion to the heroes of the shows (like He Man for example) and it would also make the faces of the bean counters at Mattel Toys beam with delight.

Now, in plucky old 2009, those moves have been reprised by a musical artist. A fictional one. He’s Major Lazer, and his biog tells us that he is a Jamaican commando who lost his arm in a secret zombie war in 1984. He also fights vampires and various monsters, parties hard, and has a rocket-powered skateboard. Cool as fuck in other words.

Better still, his music is tremendous, made as it is by the producers behind M.I.A’s peerless ‘Paper Planes.’ Below is the video for his latest single ‘Hold The Line,’ which halfway through becomes an ad for the aforementioned Major Lazer action figures. But they’re not available in the shops. Maybe if the Major becomes the biggest star on the planet, the Mattel people will get the dollar signs in their eyes and do the right thing. But for now, this is all we’ve got.

Exactly 24 hours ago, this writer was watching an appalling show by Oasis, and was about to become drenched by a flying plastic pint pot which he suspects was filled with the urine of a man he has never met. Sharing the fictional Major Lazer and his non-existent promotional toys with you has been a much-needed and cathartic pleasure.


  • Mad D.
    Sooo ya like it bitches - plentee phat 4 ya - pimp ya mamaa
  • Mike U.
    Mr T vs Major Lazer, lets get it on I pity the fool who has snickers bars stuffed up his ass!!!
  • Francis R.
    Hold the Line? Is this a subtle reference to 'hold a line of coke' until he has defeated a hoarde of giant zombie parrotts?
  • Tizer
    Oasis rocked! Just accept getting piss thrown over you and take it like a man
  • I m.
    I dont think he had a problem with the actual piss, it was just the owner of the urine didnt have the manners to introduce himself before "showering" him with it.
  • hadn't
    Major Decent!
  • Dster
    Yeah this guy is awesome, and lets be fair the Major Lazer action figures kick the crap out of the Captain laser ones:
  • Vaultfm
    Rofl, I don't care about this guy, what happened to all the great tracks?

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