No sauce for you, says Greggs

19 November 2013

What kind of inhumane society do we live in? Forget austerity, the bedroom tax, and high energy bills – the worst fate to befall Britain in centuries has been revealed. Greggs has banned the use of ketchup and brown sauce on cheese rolls.

greggs

Staff are only allowed to add sauce to breakfast rolls featuring bacon or sausages. But cheese? NO! Staff fear they will lose their jobs if they’re seen administering condiments to anything other than breakfast baps. It’s a POLICE STATE.

Customer Keith Perry went to get his regular cheese butty at a Greggs in Kent and was told: ‘We’re not allowed to sell you a cheese roll with brown sauce. We could get in serious trouble.’

It’s not known what draconian punishment will be used on staff who flout the sauce ban (Ketchup boarding? HP Sauce bottle caps under the eyelids?), but a Greggs spokesman did explain why the rule was being enforced.

‘Research tells us our sandwich customers value speed of service as very important to them at lunchtime. This means we are unable to offer a personalised sauce option for our full sandwich range.’

PERSONALISED SAUCE OPTION – DENIED!

As well as upholding Britain's lousy customer service tradition with this mean-spirited Sauce Nazi rule, Greggs have already been criticized for shrinking the size of their pasties from ‘fist sized’ to ‘fits in mouth’ so they’d better be careful if they don’t want to lose customers.

Because, as the Bible says, seek a personalized sauce option, and ye shall find – probably at McDonalds.

18 comments

  • Grammar N.
    Sauce Nazi is always coming up with stupid rules.
  • Stephanie O.
    so why not just leave packets of sauce on a station for customers to help themselves?
  • Joulupukki
    Life's just shit really, isn't it?
  • Charley
    Fuck off somewhere else then?
  • General s.
    Stephanie Olding: Not all of us eating pasties are boarding a bus/train immediately after the purchase. Unless you meant Radio 2.
  • Her L.
    General Brown star: I was thinking Mir or ISS.
  • thefunboi
    Or just install those ketchup pump things... See here; http://www.bitterwallet.com/weve-all-been-doing-ketchup-wrong/69936
  • Shiftyniftysshadow
    Saucy innit!
  • Waewick H.
    Buy elsewhere - simples
  • Aston
    I mean really, who goes to Greggs anyway?
  • Bill
    Recently it was said that Gregg's pasties contained the most fat of any and could only be classed as unhealthy. I agree with Aston.The comments about sauce have to be a joke please use Big Mac as they try to give you sauce.
  • Bill
    It may have been longer than recently re fat content.this was done in a food survey.
  • Bill
    Information on the web contradicts survey but I do not believe s rolls do not have fat in them.
  • lazy b.
    Bit of a problem getting a Maccy D's if your town doesnt have one :-)
  • Old G.
    Am I the only one that thinks the smell emanating from McDonalds is puke inducing and vile? What the hell IS that?
  • Bill R.
    @Bill: "Recently it was said that Gregg’s pasties contained the most fat of any ........Information on the web contradicts survey but I do not believe s rolls do not have fat in them." More power to the internet bampots!
  • Bill R.
    @Old Git: The sweaty armpits of their workers?
  • Teddy E.
    It's a serving station, General Brown star you cretin

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