No sauce for you, says Greggs
What kind of inhumane society do we live in? Forget austerity, the bedroom tax, and high energy bills – the worst fate to befall Britain in centuries has been revealed. Greggs has banned the use of ketchup and brown sauce on cheese rolls.
Staff are only allowed to add sauce to breakfast rolls featuring bacon or sausages. But cheese? NO! Staff fear they will lose their jobs if they’re seen administering condiments to anything other than breakfast baps. It’s a POLICE STATE.
Customer Keith Perry went to get his regular cheese butty at a Greggs in Kent and was told: ‘We’re not allowed to sell you a cheese roll with brown sauce. We could get in serious trouble.’
It’s not known what draconian punishment will be used on staff who flout the sauce ban (Ketchup boarding? HP Sauce bottle caps under the eyelids?), but a Greggs spokesman did explain why the rule was being enforced.
‘Research tells us our sandwich customers value speed of service as very important to them at lunchtime. This means we are unable to offer a personalised sauce option for our full sandwich range.’
PERSONALISED SAUCE OPTION – DENIED!
As well as upholding Britain's lousy customer service tradition with this mean-spirited Sauce Nazi rule, Greggs have already been criticized for shrinking the size of their pasties from ‘fist sized’ to ‘fits in mouth’ so they’d better be careful if they don’t want to lose customers.
Because, as the Bible says, seek a personalized sauce option, and ye shall find – probably at McDonalds.