Muhammad Ali to join board of DSGi

1 April 2009

The drama at DGSi seems to be never-ending and we’ve received a top secret internal memo from one of our moles within the company. In it, DSGi Chief Executive John Browett tells selected members of senior management that the group have recruited arguably the world’s greatest ever boxer, Muhammad Ali, as a non-executive director.

In the memo, Browett explains how battling the recession is a major fight and that there is no one better equipped for a fight than Ali, who now suffers from chronic Parkinson’s Disease and who will not be expected to make any major decisions.

We received the memo late last night and immediately contacted Ali’s loyal, long-term publicist Lari O. Loggfap in New York. He’ll be getting back to us with a quote as soon as New York wakes up, which should be some time after noon today.

Maybe the beleaguered DSGi have been playing a version of Ali’s classic ‘rope a dope’ tactic and are about to come off the ropes and land a knockout blow to their competitors?

TOPICS:   High Street News

19 comments

  • Big D.
    Reaaally, not the level of April Fool (Lari O. Loggfap come on !) I would expect from you guys, still at least you made an effort.
  • Deech
    /me checks the date u-hu ;)
  • oldgeezer
    As the 'yoof' of today say - Fail.
  • Deech
    http://www.firebox.com/product/2313/Powdered-Beer?itc=157&src_t=nwt&src_id=240 hmmmm?! ;)
  • Andy D.
    And some more from Firebox http://www.firebox.com/features/youre_an_april_fool Sat Nav shoes? Uh-huh!
  • Mike H.
    Powdered Beer! I always wanted to snort the stuff, and now I can, ordered, heat and rep thanks OP!... Hang on... (checks date) ohhhhhh you guys...
  • The B.
    Have a shufty at Google and the introducing CADIE, who is apparently an AI who went self aware at one minute to midnight, it's a very poor April fool with loads of effort chucked at it.
  • acecatcher3
    haha was a good april fools, as was my "acecatcher3 is banned from hukd" come on paul unban now, the jokes over :S lool!! at that jase guy on hukd, i come on bitterwallet at work, calm down bout me ruining my life lol, its bitterwallet or actually working, bitterwallet wins everytime.
  • Shexy S.
    FAIL on all accounts Lamer than just telling someone their flies are undone (when they're not)
  • Myself
    Great April fool but something that dsgi would think off considering their recent events.
  • Mike H.
    Shteve, your flies 'aren't' undone (Lets see how long until Shteve notices that, infact, his flies 'are' undone, tee hee)
  • Jeffrey
    I almost believed this, until I read something about you got the memo from one of your 'moles'. Come on, how unbelievable could you be? Everyone knows BW has no real contacts, moles, etc, whatsoever!
  • Martin
    Maybe he is there to make milkshakes during breaks from board meetings.
  • Andy
    As an ex-DSGi exployee, I'll admit I believed this for a millisecond, as it's the sort of shite internal morale-boosting [email protected] that DSGi used to circulate.
  • DSGi F.
    Hi Guys of BW, I can also confirm will be hiring the following celebrities for the Board of Directors, Brian Admas - Of "Everyhting I do" fame Mr.T a.k.a. B.A.Baracuss Steve MacManamanamanmanmanamnanamanamammaanamanamanamanama - That crap footballer dude Sandy Toksvig Thanks for shopping at PCWorld (You bunch of fucking twats)
  • Bob
    Speaking as the person who submitted the original memo from DSGi to BW (Who added the amusing photoshop) I can say they do sort of have a mole inside :P
  • Liam
    Did DSGi really release this as an attack on someone with Parkinsons not being able to make informed decisions is nothing short of disgraceful.
  • This J.
    DSGi has decided to cut commission payments to websites displaying their adverts. A recent leaked memo shows DSGi has cut by half much of commission fees. Advertisers aren't forced to display their adverts, but have a pool of companies to choose from. It is expected websites owners keen to display home electrical adverts will change to the new cdiscounts.co.uk adverts which pay more commission. The memo reads... As of the 1st May 2009 we will be paying 3 levels of commission in place of the flat rate of 10% currently offered. The commission level paid will depend on affiliate type and performance. Loyalty and discount sites - 5% on each completed order Non-Loyalty and discount sites - 7% on each completed order Non-Loyalty and discount sites - 10% on each completed order with 100+ sales in a single month The main reason we have decided to offer a lower rate for loyalty and discount affiliates is the majority of the customers we receive via these affiliates are returning customers and we are shifting the focus of our affiliate activity towards enticing new customers. This change to our commission structure will enable us to offer stronger and more exclusive offers, which will hopefully aid you in promoting our products. It is our aim to reward our affiliates based on their performance, this is why we are offering the higher level commission (10%) for non-loyalty and discount affiliates that provide more than 100 sales in a month.
  • pc b.
    This was a joke created in PC World beckton for april fools. John browett issues memos each week but doesnt refur to colleagues as friends it fooled people in store as a joke but you guy take things well to serious LOL

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