Massive news: Boots fails to open

From the Mid Sussex Times...

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We're reproducing the story in full - hopefully we won't get into trouble with the newspaper's legal eagles...

Early shoppers at Boots in South Road, Haywards Heath, found the store closed this morning.

A sign on the door said: “Due to unforseen circumstances we do not have a pharmacist at present and so are unable to open this store.

“The store will open as soon as a locum pharmacist arrives, unfortunately we don’t yet know what time this will be.

“We apologise for any inconvenience caused and thank our customers for their patience.” The store later opened.


  • Cuntability B.
    Who how crap! Whatever next, reporting Deathwatch stories from 2010 as up to date news?
  • Dick
    Stop posting Mofs other stories on here...
  • Chewbacca
    BW, after the GAME "old news as new" debacle, and now this... What the fuck is going down at BW towers? Mof been smoking the wacky and passing it round?
  • zax
    Who's the hookie in fur waiting for her MATES supplements ?
  • Clunge
    But what time did it open? How can they leave us hanging in such a manner?
  • Boris
    What ever happened to that giant icicle? Now that WAS news.
  • Alan E.
    You mean testicle... Mof got it lanced apparently. Pus everywhere.
  • Mustapha S.
    They had to do this - they were taken to court for selling stuff without a Doc, but got off on a technicality. They're covering their back so some benefit cheating, morbidly obese, chain smoking, Downtain Abbey watching chump doesn't give a ring on their stolen iphone.
  • Boris
    Is Downtain Abbey a highly edited version of Downtain Fucking Abbey? Doesn't sound anywhere near as good. What would I know though; the BBC arou out of bounds.
  • Tnuc
    Shitstain Abbey?
  • Dick
    It is the more prosperous version of Downturn Abbey.
  • Grumpy
    Can everyone stop going on about Downturn "Fucking" Abbey? The BBC must be loving this free high profile advertising for their prime-time show.
  • Mike H.
    Breaing news: Nelson Mandella has taken a turn for the worse... Oh wait, we've just had more important news that Boots in South Road, Haywards Heath has just reopened the branch.
  • Dick
    Channel 5 have bought the rights to it, from Channel 4 who snapped it up from the BBC last week. Who stole it from ITV. They are going to do a programme on the boy with two penises, a vagina and three boobs (two of which were surgically enhanced with PIP implants) that lives in the basement of Downturn Fucking Abbey. He is interesting mainly because he is only 16 and runs and internet business selling memorabilia from the show.
  • Mike H.
    Actually, It's about an abbey full of prostitutes, struggling to make ends meet in current economic downturn.
  • Nelson M.
    I'm dead. And I had to me the fucking Spice Girls. That fat one fisted me.
  • Lord L.
    Mandela you jail avoiding bastrd!

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