Healthy pizza that doesn't kill you

16 May 2013

Fancy a pizza? Well, forget your usual lard filled crust monstrosity, and chow down on THIS.

eat balanced pizza

It’s the world’s first nutritionally balanced pizza and it’s apparently better for you than a salad. It also contains seaweed, but let’s not think about that for a moment. Instead, let’s focus on the fact that it’s got everything your body needs in the right amounts, and still resembles something you might want to cram down your throat after a busy day.

Created by the appropriately named nutritionist Professor Mike Lean of Glasgow University, the Eat Balanced pizza contains each of the 47 vitamins we all need for optimum health (whatever they are.) The salt in the base comes from Hebridean seaweed, and ground red pepper is added in the tomato sauce for extra Vitamin C, but there’s real mozzarella on top, and it actually looks quite nice. Maybe.

It retails at £3.50 – a bit pricier than your average Goodfellas slop - but what does it taste like? Well, at least Professor Lean is refreshingly honest.

‘You are not sitting on the seats of Sorrento eating it. It is a frozen pizza but it tastes, smells and looks as good as any other frozen pizza.’ He said.

We don't know what the seats of Sorrento are, either, but hats off to Mike for trying to inject some health into our favourite junk food.

Now all he has to do is add a ring of mozzarella-stuffed hotdog around the side and call it 'The Terminator.'


  • Fat B.
    And where does it retail?
  • The L.
    Rumoured today on the radio that Ocado were stocking them.
  • Nads
    Designed in Glasgow hey? Is there a deep fried version?
  • badger
    The seats of Sorrento? What does that mean? Sorrento opera house?
  • shiftynifty
    Badger...bit of a thickie ain`tcha...sorrento near naples , home of the pizza...hi lucy ,fancy a slice of pizza...burp
  • chewbacca
    Chortle, chortle, Glasgow is mentioned, so let's shout "DEEP FRIED" because we're so retarded we can't think of anything else. Oddly, Scots don't shout "fucking homosexuals", "colonised by immigrants", or "it's ground, not floor" every time the English are mentioned. But then, we're not paranoid about how shit our country is. We know it is. You fucking morons.
  • Kevin
    It might be balanced for vitamins etc but how many calories does it have? I've seen several balanced pizzas or low fat pizzas for healthier diets. They are either half the size of a normal pizza or have a massive hole in the middle for salad.
  • Sporky M.
    @Chewbaccy: so says the man (?) whose country's cities are full of chip shops selling nothing but deep fried Mar Bars.
  • Fat B.
    Deep fried Mars Bars aren't actually on the menu in the chippy (not chip shops you daft cunt), you have to ask for them.
  • Callum B.
    Yes, you can thank all the Chinese "chippy" shop owners for introducing the scotch to deep fried Mars. lol
  • mjccam
    The whole pizza is about 600 calories. They've had them on sale in ASDA in Glasgow for the past few months. Cheese, Spicy chicken and an other one. Really Really nice. Go buy one and cleanse your body!
  • Donnie M.
    Hi guys, thanks for covering our story. Interesting comments! I'm the founder of the company that designed them with the Professor and brought them to market. Hopefully these points will address the questions that have been raised: - Here's more information about what we make - Here's a list of the retailers where they are available - Kevin, the calories are as follows - Cheese & tomat0 = 513 kcal. Ham & pineapple = 547 kcal. Spicy Chicken = 560 kcal. It doesn't have a hole in it Happy to answer any other questions about the products. Thanks, Donnie
  • kv
    still a shit load of carbs
  • chewbacca's c.
    Why does everyone shout 'DEEP FRIED' when Scotland is mentioned? I always shout things like, 'DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, ALCOHOL PROBLEMS, POOR DIETS, SHIT ECONOMY, UTTERLY FUCKING SHIT WEATHER, BACKWARD RACISTS'. Looking at some of the fucking home grown scummy Neds in Scotland, you should be fucking begging for some immigrants (a lot of whom actually work).
  • Bob J.
    Salt is salt, it doesn't mater if it comes from seaweed or not, it still has the same properties. There isn't a healthier version of salt. Organic Salt, Sea Salt, Table Salt, Salt from the skin of vestil virgins, it all has the same nutritional value. It's just marketing bullshit.

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