Easter is about Jesus now, apparently

4 March 2013

Hellbent on ruining our chocolate weekend with all that unpleasant crucifixion stuff, Christian groups have won their three year campaign to stock religious themed Easter eggs in supermarkets.

Called the ‘Real Easter Egg’, (rather than a magic one that rises from the dead), it’s made by the Meaningful Chocolate Company and also features Jesus on the box and a religious themed children’s activity inside. FUN!

The meaningful folks at Meaningful Chocolate expect to sell 200,000 of the £3.99 eggs to little Tod and Rod Flanders all over Britain, and a bishop has called the decision to stock it as a ‘milestone’.

The only supermarket which refuses to stock it is bum patting, heathen Asda, who have decided Easter is much better celebrated with giant godless branded chocolate orbs filled with devil sweets and delicious hydrogenated fats.

I’m still laughing about ‘Meaningful Chocolate.’ Excuse me while I discuss existentialism with this Twix.

TOPICS:   High Street News   Supermarket


  • Herod
    Kinder Eggs are doing a 'build your own crucifixion model'
  • Alexis
    Makes sense though. It's a religious festival after all; nobody complains about nativity stuff at Christmas.
  • Michaelmakro
    Alexis - you're right, it does make sense. No-one is forcing anyone to buy it, just another choice. Some will like the choice, some will not. It's live and let live time again, something the UK should be proud of.
  • Quietus
    I disagree. Much like Christmas, the majority of people celebrate Easter with no regard for religion whatsoever. While the event's origins may have religious roots, the way we celebrate them has been devised later on, so it's not fair to say that Easter eggs are anything to do with religion.
  • Quietus
    I should clarify that I was pipped above. =) That was in response to Alexis' mention of it being a religious festival.
  • whatsit t.
    I completely agree with Quietus! Just because a festival has religious roots back when people gave a shit doesn't mean it can't evolve into something everyone can join in on despite being a heathen! I like Easter and Xmas for the food and time off work, not religion or any other church related crappy reason. I also like the idea of thanks giving because it's NON-religious, so everyone can join in and we don't have to have all this 'be nice to them' crap because they'd be included too. Because they are Muslim, Hindu or miscellaneous they are excluded this sham of a holiday because it had religious roots! This is Britain, we don't do religion, our kings proved that years ago!
  • whatsit t.
    And it is also true that Easter was hijacked by the Church much in the same way the winter festival was.
  • LL J.
    Oh great, now I can celebrate the pagan goddess Ēostre with my chocolate eggs. Call it a Pascha egg or fuck off.
  • chewbacca
    Not halal. Voted cold.
  • Han S.
    Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side
  • Mr. P.
    This site is finished.
  • Nelmer
    £3.99? No thanks I'll stick to my 99p KitKat egg. It probably tastes better as well.
  • Tom
    What are you guys blurting on about, you can buy Christmas cards with Jesus on them why not Easter eggs.
  • Mr L.
    "Called the ‘Real Easter Egg’, (rather than a magic one that rises from the dead)" Very good!
  • Dick
    I for one think this is a great step forward. Now we can teach kids about the true meaning of Easter - when Jesus was born from an egg.
  • chewbacca
    They should do one for our immigrant friends. Imagine the look on the kids faces when Mohammed rolls back the egg to reveal a cache of weapons and bomb-making equipment! Is that not the REAL story of Easter?! Just kidding, that won't happen. They'll ban Easter first.
  • Meek
    Not bad chewbac, not bad.
  • Aunt B.
    Religion, what a fucking joke it is. Easter eggs are tasty though.
  • chewbacca
    @Meek Ta muchly. @Uncle Bertie You do realise that Easter eggs are just chocolate, right? You can actually buy chocolate at ANY time of the year, how awesome is that?!
  • Mary H.
    Typical of the church to try and hijack easter in the name of some bloke called Jesus, just fuck off and take your fucking bibles with you. Leave us chocolate egg lovers alone

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