Depressing hipster café puts a price on time

9 January 2014

A café is supposed to be little oasis of calm and contemplation, where you can refuel and relax. But not Café Ziferblat, a new business in London’s idiot capital Shoreditch. Instead of charging you for tea, coffee and biscuits, they charge for that most precious of commodities – time. 3p a minute, to be exact.

Ziferblat, London

At Ziferblat (which means clock face in Russian, yeah?) an antique clock is given to you when you arrive, then you hand it back when you leave. In between that, you actually have to make your own coffee and do your own dishes. So basically, it’s a room full of chairs and tables and a kettle, which you rent out by the minute.

Apparently Café Ziferblat has been a big hit in Russia, where people aren't used to having nice things. Owner Ivan Mitin boasts nine branches there, which bring in 30,000 customers a month. He calls it a ‘free space’ (which is er, not free) where customers can be ‘micro tenants’.

But will it take off here? Because apparently I’ve heard that there’s this great place called ‘Your House’ where there’s a kettle and you don’t have to shell out 3p a minute to sit at a table with a bunch of East London trendy eejits being mercilessly tormented by f***** ticking f***** antique clocks.

ARRRRRRRRRRGH!!

11 comments

  • shiftynifty
    Hoxton Twats...Shoreditch Saps...Time they went.....
  • OlPeculier
    So you could go in there for half an hour, have a couple of coffees and possibly even something to eat, and you pay 90p? Seems good to me.
  • Michael
    And not have some twat using it as his office all day with the free wifi after paying £2.00 for a latte
  • James
    Come on at least £2.50 for a latte - not sure where you've been drinking but it's not Shoreditch.
  • Sarah
    You really are an angry young lady aren't you, Lucy. You need to chill, and stop sounding like Ben Elton in 1983.
  • Coran
    That would keep the lame Mac showoffs out from hogging the tables all day with one coffee, pretending to work, hoping someone asks them about the book/script they're working on..
  • col
    oooo another rant against a business by Lucy, seriously Lucy you need to take a step back, or do you do your weekly shop in your local independant store, never go on holiday and have your own wind farm for your electric.
  • Clunge
    Is it really just 3p a minute? That's a bit of a bargain. If they're open overnight, £21 for a 12 hour stay is a damn site cheaper than a hotel room.
  • The P.
    @Sarah I think it's PMT
  • Tim B.
    Those who say it'll stop people hogging tables with their laptop haven't thought it through. Assuming a 6 hour day, I could either pay £3 or so for a coffee, which would maybe last an hour...let's say two if I really push my luck. Or I could pay £1.80 an hour, and have unlimited tea and coffee while I'm there. I know where I'd go if I was looking for somewhere to work.
  • fuqstix
    'I know where I’d go if I was looking for somewhere to work.' - except for the room full of cunts, Tim. You forgot about the cunts.

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