Britons hate humans and 'spend most in Europe' online
Britain is a misanthropy festival. The thing that unites us is our inherent mistrust of one another. Latin America is known for passion, North America for it's appetite and us... we've mastered the shifty look at everyone else.
As such, we've spend hundreds of years walking in and out of shops and feeling let down by the whole thing. Get someone nice and you sigh inwardly, knowing full well that you only noticed such pleasantry because every other shop you'll go in that day will be depressing.
If the staff don't make you ill, then other customers step into the breach. If the humans aren't the problem, then we'll find something to gripe about... the in-store music, the lighting, the price, the fact there's not enough choice, the fact that there's too much choice... on and on it goes until you return home, defeated.
Then, when our fair isle embraced our internet connections, we started to moan about our ISPs. However, the side-effect was that we didn't have to go to the shops anymore. No more getting caught behind those irritating slow-walking idiots who you secretly want to taser within an inch of their life so you can get to a shop 3 seconds quicker just to be let down by the whole affair.
UK shoppers have embraced internet shopping (not that we've stopped moaning) and, according to research, spent more online than anywhere else in Europe last year, accounting for almost a third of all European sales.
In 2009, we all spent £38bn online which is an average of £1,102 per shopper, according to the Centre for Retail Research (CRR). Apparently, that's almost 10% of everything bought in the UK. It's reckoned that this trend will continue to grow.
"This year is when we will really start to see online sales achieving a significant share of overall retail trade in the UK," said Bruce Fair, managing director of online shopping and price comparison site Kelkoo, which commissioned the research.
He added that online shoppers were growing in confidence, with the proportion of them prepared to spend more than £1,000 or more on a single transaction rising from 12% in 2008 to 25% in 2009.
"In these hard times, it is no surprise that shoppers are turning to the internet rather than the High Street, especially when you consider that purchasing items online can result in savings of 20% or more," Mr Fair said.
It's not surprising that someone who works for an online price comparison site would get results like this, but hey-ho, there you go. People in the UK - sick of farting about in shops. Official.
Next week: Britons moan about packaging and replacement goods from internet shopping.