£314 for the world's most expensive ready-meal
Once again, some pointless berk has decided to make 'the world's most expensive' something. In this instance, it is a ready meal and a chef has thrown oysters, gold leaf and Dom Perignon at it so no-one will buy it for £314, but idiots like us will write about it.
Of course, these 'world's most expensive thing that is usually cheap' projects are PR stunts for those trying to flog something else, so, in the name of fairness, we'll talk about the ready meal but purposefully fail to mention the people behind it.
So, do you fancy a really posh microwave meal?! Well, Some Chef has invented the Swish Pie which is a fancy version of a fish pie and it contains vintage champagne, lobster, Balik salmon, the aforementioned oysters and gold leaf, as well as wild turbot, white Alba truffles and a load of other stuff no-one cares about like sea salt harvested from the Piran Salt Pans.
It goes without saying that these pies will only be available for a limited time and for the site of Some Chef who made it. If you're adamant you need a name, let us patronise you with this link.
The pie is topped off with an amuse-bouche of Beluga Caviar, served on two mother of pearl spoons, which will probably impress a some vapid clothes designer or something, especially as each meal is delivered in a bespoke aluminium case, handcuffed to a professional security guard.
Some chef said: "We wanted to take our reputation for making the finest [blah blah blah] truly extraordinary [yadda yadda] always been obsessed with quality ingredients, provenance and unique and [waffle waffle] the most exclusive ingredients while developing this unique recipe to ensure that it really is [kills self]"
Meanwhile, the supermarkets have a load of ready meals you actually want to eat and you'll probably be able to get 2 for £6.