Sex pill to hit the market to stop you being so dreadful in the sack

boris-becker-Men! Do you cum before you've even got your trousers off when entertaining a lady? Are you so woeful in bed that sex often ends in blubbering, salty tears rolling down your pathetic face soundtracked to the call of "...don't worry, it happens to everyone..." from a lady trying to decide whether to strangle you or laugh you out of town?

Fear not. Why? There's a pill you can buy, from tomorrow, that will make you last so long in the sack that by the time you actually blort your load, your partner will have fossilised like Tollund Man.

The drug, designed to prevent premature ejaculation, is to be taken one to three hours before you shag. And how does it do it? Well, it alters the levels serotonin in your brain. Essentially, it's like taking Prozac for your dick. You'll last longer but your old chap will not feel the joy nearly as much as it rattles around an orifice like a listless colonel.

The pill, called Priligy is already sold overseas, but will become available from tomorrow in the UK at a cost of £76 for a pack of three 30mg tablets. It will be sold only online for private prescriptions.

It can't be used after boozing as this boosts the risk of side effects. Men will be able to get a private prescription for Priligy following an online consultation at Lloyds-pharmacy.

So there you have it cock-worriers... you can now treat yourself to a nice slowie.



  • JonnySpandex
    Sorry but... WTF! IS DIS REAL?
  • Angry S.
    So, if I take Viagra at the same time will I be able to bang forever but not enjoy it?
  • JGN
    Or you could just take an E the day before, which also empties your seretonin and costs 1/75th of the price and gets you high as well.
  • BungleMc
    Or for the same effect you could just knock one out quickly before you get down to it............
  • ar$e j.
    Men! Do you cum before you’ve even got your trousers off when entertaining a lady? A bit sexist as i find my boyfriend jason shots his cum all over my back before he's even entered me...doh
  • JGN
    that's because he can't come when he's face to face with you.
  • Tom P.
    A spliff does the same job of delaying, and increasing length & girth ;-)
  • -]
    Dapoxetine (what this drug is) is just a weak SSRI. As someone else said, use the time-honoured method of taking E&V. After a couple of dabs of MDMA I can go for five-six hours. Make it a gram of mandy and I can't cum for a fortnight. The euphoria from the MDMA also makes it the best sex you'll ever experience.
  • -]
    A blue and a white combined will also cost you ~£5, compared to the £25 for this.
  • disconotatall
    just whack some coke on the end of your knob!
  • wonky h.
    you could always try bumming a fox before you enter a lady.
  • ElleEdu
    I really enjoyed this and you give some very good advice. Excelent article, Thank you for sharing.
  • raptorcigs b.
    bumming a fox eh! unfortunatly i (being a dino) split in too everything i enter
  • ar$e j.
    you could always try bumming a lady before you enter a fox :-0
  • /b/tard
    The "bumming a fox" meme is getting as boring as "wtf is...". Give it a rest chaps, forced memes aren't fun. Especially when they originate in a comedy TV show.
  • ha h.
    You'd need to have a really serious problem before risking this; the worst side effects aren't at all worrying:- Fits or seizures Feeling faint or light headed when standing up Mood changes Suicidal thoughts And they try to tell us 'non-legal' drugs are dangerous ;-)
  • ha h.
    The very common side effects >10% aren't too bad - but up to 10% of users can expect one or more of:- Feeling anxious, irritated or restless Numbness or pins and needles Erectile dysfunction Sweating more than normal or red colouring of the face (flushing) Gastrointestinal changes - eg wind, constipation or diarrhoea Stomach pains, bloating, vomiting Sleep disturbances and dream changes Fatigue or yawning Nasal congestion (a stuffy nose) Increased blood pressure Difficulty concentrating Less interested in sex Shaking or trembling Indigestion or a dry mouth Blurred vision
  • Brian
    Hi, my name is Brian. Wouldn't your hand get tired after one of these pills?
  • Georgie D.
    Not really uncommon side effects, even basic painkillers carry many of the same side effects. An incredibly common painkiller (Tramadol) reduces the seizure threshold, even at very low doses and can cause idiopathic seizures. Postural Hypotension (light headedness/low blood pressure when standing) is another common side effect. I definitely agree people should look into what they are taking, but completely failing to understand pharmacology and using one drug as an example is pretty poor. The side effects are standard for all SSRIs, but millions of people take anti-depressants every day and only a small amount suffer the worst side-effects, and reducing the dose or ending the course of medication soon sorts them out. I still wouldn't take it at that price, MDMA and tadalafil or sildenafil (viagra) would definitely be my choice. All the benefits of this, plus more for a fraction of the price!
  • Orville H.
    Women better be prepared! 3 x as long! Now instead of 1 minute, you may have to put up with 3 minutes, Yeah!
  • Make P.
    HA HA talk about increasing sperm volume maybe you have heard about Spermomax. It's a pill for upping your cum production. It is guaranteed to increase your orgasm by 5 X
  • Michael T.
    Cant get my pinis to stand and when i do it finish in seconds

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