Sex pill to hit the market to stop you being so dreadful in the sack
Men! Do you cum before you've even got your trousers off when entertaining a lady? Are you so woeful in bed that sex often ends in blubbering, salty tears rolling down your pathetic face soundtracked to the call of "...don't worry, it happens to everyone..." from a lady trying to decide whether to strangle you or laugh you out of town?
Fear not. Why? There's a pill you can buy, from tomorrow, that will make you last so long in the sack that by the time you actually blort your load, your partner will have fossilised like Tollund Man.
The drug, designed to prevent premature ejaculation, is to be taken one to three hours before you shag. And how does it do it? Well, it alters the levels serotonin in your brain. Essentially, it's like taking Prozac for your dick. You'll last longer but your old chap will not feel the joy nearly as much as it rattles around an orifice like a listless colonel.
The pill, called Priligy is already sold overseas, but will become available from tomorrow in the UK at a cost of £76 for a pack of three 30mg tablets. It will be sold only online for private prescriptions.
It can't be used after boozing as this boosts the risk of side effects. Men will be able to get a private prescription for Priligy following an online consultation at Lloyds-pharmacy.
So there you have it cock-worriers... you can now treat yourself to a nice slowie.