Now big fat bloaters can ride the Nemesis at Thorpe Park

30 September 2011

GL946122 Today is a red letter day for the likes of James Corden, Jo Brand, the late Bernard Manning and other notorious roly-poly thrillseekers.

That’s because leading theme park Thorpe Park has fitted super-sized seats to their Nemesis ride in order to let corpulent bloaters get their kicks as well as those of us who haven’t dedicated years of our lives towards angrily shovelling pies and cakes into our head-holes.

The two new seats are designed for people with a chest size of 51 inches or more and are situated near the front of the Nemesis. Thorpe Park say that their other rides will be equipped with ‘fat seats’ (our phrase, not theirs) over the next year.

With 17% of men and 21% of women classed as obese, Thorpe Park say that they are accommodating to the needs of our increasingly swollen nation. Divisional director Mike Vallis says: “The reality is that we are super-sizing – and that’s a fact we’re embracing. Why shouldn’t people be comfortable when they are enjoying a day out with their friends or family?”

Hopefully the porky punters will refrain from their non-stop compulsive gorging before getting on the ride, meaning that fellow riders won’t be showered in their vomit at the height of the ‘excitement’.

TOPICS:   Health


  • The B.
    Is there a reason why you chose 3 unfunny "comedians" as an example of fatties? You could have had Omid Picallili too.
  • Dick
    How much room do they allow for the spread as you reach g-force speeds? And do they provide a mop and bucket?
  • Tweedskin
    Why do these fat fuckers get to sit near the front?
  • bob
    Surely these fat fuckers will just slow the ride down? Why don't they just give them a little viewing area where they could see how much fun they could be having if they weren't so discustingly fat!
  • dan
    Isn't Nemesis @ Alton Towers?
  • Tweedskin
    @ dan Yep.... Alton Towers and Thorpe park are both owned by Merlin Entertainment.
  • Bluemeat
    Thorpe Park also has a Nemesis ride : Nemesis Inferno. :)
  • Dick
    If fatties want to get the thrill of being thrown about, this way then that, why not just let the normal people push them around. You could have a circle of people and one fattie thrown in the middle. Just like at school.
  • Tweedskin
    @Dick Has this article bought back childhood memories? I pray that the fatties will act like this.....
  • Tom
    @bob Surely these fat fuckers will just slow the ride down? Maybe they should get some seats for the uneducated, it would speed the ride up due to momentum. I would like to know if these fatties get a special line.
  • bob
    Yes, an extra wide one!
  • Dick
    This does ... Good old Jim'll Fix It.
  • Boris J.
    @Tom It all depends on the air resistance and frictional forces on the track really; especially if it is an actual roller-coaster as opposed to some pushy powered thing. The FF's weight would cause a greater accelerating force during the drops but this is cancelled out by the fact that there is a greater mass to accelerate. (F=ma and all that). Similarly during the rises their momentum would be higher at the start of the rise than an average person but the decelerating force would be greater and so reducing the momentum at a higher rate than for an average person (impulse and whatnot). As the momentum is proportional to velocity I would expect the velocity to decrease at the same rate with the FF’s as without. Now, during the twists you’d have to look at angular momentum and centripetal forces. On first inspection I’m thinking that there would be similar effects and so little effect on timings. Watch a roller coaster with one person on it and compare it to a full one. The ride times are very similar. Only frictional forces make significant differences. If you fire a baby and Bernard Manning from a canon in a vacuum there really is no difference in time or path of flight; only a difference in how funny it is.
  • Tweedskin
    The King of The Fatties has already tested out the Fat Seat......
  • Boris J.
    Why has your system deleted my invaluable guide to physics? Did Newton die for naught?
  • captain c.
    I have a 52" chest; anyone calls me fat and they get picked up by their scrawny chests,until their head is level with mine (2 meters above the ground), and asked if they would care to repeat it again!!!! I cannot go on 95% of these full harness rides, because my back is too long for them to close properly; could you get them to fit some "lanky bastard" seats as well??
  • Rob
    ^ thy doth protest too much I feel.
  • captain c.
    @captain cretin If getting called a fatty bothers you so much, why don't you just go on a diet you fat fuck?
  • Fat b.
    I wonder how many people would take the P if there we're special seats for disabled people? "now cripples can ride roller coaster".... "will there be a mop for all their drool".... My point is, I'm 6ft 5 and broad.... Not fat by any means, I go to the gym 3 or 4 days a week and watch what I eat. But because of the fact I was born bigger, I've always had trouble in fitting - from shoes to airline seats to roller coaster rides... Nothing to do with being fat or overeating... just my bone structure. I am discriminated against and then ridiculed by morons... over something I cannot help or control. So I say good job thorpe park. And poor form BitterWallet...
  • Paul
    @ Fat Bastard Stop going to the gym and keep off the steroids then you'll fit
  • Sam
    @Boris Ziraleet Johnson I think you'll find it's due to the safety systems incorporated into the roller coaster, air breaks and cart weights.
  • Dick
    @ Fat Bastard - cripples can already ride the rollercoasters. They get lifted out their wheelchairs and sat in seats on the rollercoaster. They often get the front seats too. Haven't you seen The Inbetweeners?
  • Fat B.
    @Dick I know, thankfully provisions are in place for these folks. Now lets all take a leak out of Bitterwallets book and stand round pointing and laughing at them cos mongrel spastics have to ride in a special 'flid' seat... HAHAHA!!! LOOK AT THE DROOLING WINDOW LICKER!!! HAHAHA!!!!
  • Dick
    There are not special "flid" seats, they ride in the usual ones. It is fat bastards that need special seats.
  • captain c.
    I can lose all the weight possible to lose and still have a 52" chest, because my chest size is caused by swimming, not fat. I used to have a weedy 42" chest before!!!!! Out here in China I have already lost 20Kg, mostly due to the heat, and STILL have a 52" chest. @ Fat bastard, I know how you feel, although unlike most tall people, my legs are proportional (so only 34" inside leg), so have less problems with leg room (except on Chinese bus's), and more problems with the seat backs because of my long spine.
  • kcj
    Nemesis Inferno at Thorpe and Nemesis at Alton have had seats for fatter people for years. Methinks it's another Merlin publicity stunt like the fact they had to move a ride because of a ghost and that Alton were building a roller coaster for babies.
  • truth h.
    you people are fucking sick, the internet is the cause of you sick fuckers, i believe in freedom of speech but shit its like youve all been raped by fat people and you have some sort of vendetta against them. and you dont have to be fat to not fit in the rides at thorpe park, say your a big set person or you have a big butt. i think this whole page is wrong, shame on you all :/
  • Ella
    Oh my gosh all you English people that are making fat comments are so ugly! You really are very uneducated. Wow are all English people so mean and spiteful! And I am 5ft 8 and weigh 130 pounds so no fat person here, but I feel bad when someone cannot ride , the walk of shame is bad enough for them, don't need people to be so hateful!
  • michael
    Hey I think this is a utter joke you lot taking piss out of people who are larger than others. Some can't be helped ie illnesses and bosched up operations and then there are some people who are just genrally lazy. I am a fat guy 5ft 11 inchs and I weigh 21st but mine is decieving coz people actually think I weigh 5 stones less just by looking before I tell them the actual result. I am amazed by some of these moronic veiws by some people just remember guys and girls us fatties can lose weigh whenever we want but you fuckers always trying your damn hardest to stay in your size 12-13 year old skinny jeans. I don't give 2 monkeys about replies here now as I have heard everything about being fat
  • Jayne
    I think that saying that people are fat, or calling people "fat fuckers or bloaters" is disgusting some people have a medical condition and cannot help being big or infact some people just don't eat enough and there fore do actually put on weight. If you weren't anorexic you would know. If people are happy then whats the problem and yeah im big, i'm happily married and happen to be 5"10 and 22 stone but i can carry it of well. If you "people" calling people fat had a brain and a smart one at that you would understand that happiness comes from the heart not from being thin. usually thin people have a high opinion of themselves to the point of becoming at egotistic prick!!! Get a life and get over yourselves!
  • Luke B.
    You lot sound like a bunch of stupid cunts Every thought people could have a gentic problem? hope you all have kids that end up "fat fucks" and die because if it Stupid inbred cunts
  • Sam W.
    Whoever wrote this is a disgusting, ignorant bastard. You think your readers actually find your fat jokes funny? Grow the fuck up or get off the Internet, moron.

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