Magic beans or fat chance? Diet pills go on sale tomorrow
For the past two weeks, Vince has been participating in the Greggs Chicken Bake Challenge - he's enjoyed two delicious Greggs chicken bakes for breakfast, two for lunch and then a pasty of his choosing for tea. He had expected to lose up to 10lb a week - at least that's what Andy told him. Instead he's now too weak to sit upright and has suffered a deformed spine as a result. Still, perhaps he'll have more luck losing weight when chemists begin selling diet pills over the counter for the first time from tomorrow.
Global corporation Massive Dynamic GlaxoSmithKline has manufactured a drug called Alli, which has the dual effect of helping the body produce less fat and make you need the toilet more than a Friday night after the seal is broke.
Another diet pill, a seaweed extract called Appesat also goes on sale, which claims it can help users lose 2lb a week. It costs £29.95 for 50 capsules, and works by swelling up in the stomach and tricking the brain into thinking you're full. Like birds when they eat rice. Except they die. You won't. Probably.
Of course those moody doctors think they know it all and dispel any thought of the cure to our fat-bastard lifestyle coming from magic beans. Professor Gareth Williams grumbles: "Selling anti-obesity drugs over the counter will perpetuate the myth that obesity can be fixed simply by popping a pill and could further undermine efforts to promote healthy living, which is the only long-term escape from obesity."
Tell it to Vince, doc. He may need to be hospitalised on a flat-bed lorry, but he's happy.