Magic beans or fat chance? Diet pills go on sale tomorrow

19 April 2009

For the past two weeks, Vince has been participating in the Greggs Chicken Bake Challenge - he's enjoyed two delicious Greggs chicken bakes for breakfast, two for lunch and then a pasty of his choosing for tea. He had expected to lose up to 10lb a week - at least that's what Andy told him. Instead he's now too weak to sit upright and has suffered a deformed spine as a result. Still, perhaps he'll have more luck losing weight when chemists begin selling diet pills over the counter for the first time from tomorrow.

Global corporation Massive Dynamic GlaxoSmithKline has manufactured a drug called Alli, which has the dual effect of helping the body produce less fat and make you need the toilet more than a Friday night after the seal is broke.

Another diet pill, a seaweed extract called Appesat also goes on sale, which claims it can help users lose 2lb a week. It costs £29.95 for 50 capsules, and works by swelling up in the stomach and tricking the brain into thinking you're full. Like birds when they eat rice. Except they die. You won't. Probably.

Of course those moody doctors think they know it all and dispel any thought of the cure to our fat-bastard lifestyle coming from magic beans. Professor Gareth Williams grumbles: "Selling anti-obesity drugs over the counter will perpetuate the myth that obesity can be fixed simply by popping a pill and could further undermine efforts to promote healthy living, which is the only long-term escape from obesity."

Tell it to Vince, doc. He may need to be hospitalised on a flat-bed lorry, but he's happy.


TOPICS:   Health


  • Jamie
    Will have to get a few to sprinkle on my takeaway pizza.* *not a Dominos obviously.
  • rune
    The Alli drug is an over the counter half strength version of orlisat which is an existing prescription drug used in weight loss, this over the counter version is expensive (about 50quid for 84 tablets according to the boots website) and it would actually be easier, cheaper and probably better for you to get the full strength drug on prescription. I for one would rather eat sensibly than live my life chained to the loo with the side effects...
  • Fat F.
    150 genuine Alli tablets from the USA on Ebay for about £ we get robbed in the UK as usual!!! By the way...they aren't magic beans, unless you like shitting explosive orange grease like you've been on a diet of Vindaloo.....
  • missgb
    i heard the alli have quite a few nasty effects like not being able to control your bowels. i don't just mean diarrhoea but apparently a runny,oily discharge that you cannot control if you consume too much fat. so really you would be house bound or you could literally shit your insides out at any given time. would do your sex life no favors either. healthier eating and a bit of exercise sounds more appealing......
  • Mike
    I think your missing the target market, people to lazy to diet and exercise, plus they arent getting any anyway and their crap already stinks.
  • jim
    The Massive Dynamic joke made me laugh. Does that mean I am a nerd?
  • Paul S.
    No, it means you've got excellent taste :)
  • fat a.
    If you are fat and seriously can't stop yourself eating then just buy some amphetamines. It will stop you eating (obviously after you've used it for a while you'll be able to eat after taking speed, but by then hopefully you won't need to eat such massive amounts you fat beast), and it will help you get thin in no time.
  • Enthrsam
    The universal rate of success of these weight loss plans which are always contending with from each one other is more or less the one. And the most amusing part is that these programmes all neglect at the same hurdle in wound of doing really tall claims. This encounters because the consistency gets accustomed to the rigor through which it is put and alines itself to the new routine and the metabolic process slows down. You have to be cleaner than nature to be able to prank the body into dropping off weight. Without coming this measure then you will invariably wonder why you cannot turn a loss burden.
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