Kelloggs to cut salt because cereal gives you stroke-face
Kellogg's will be cutting down on the salt in your cereal so you don't have to, rendering Corn Flakes, Rice Krispies and other brands almost pointless and flavourless thanks to a third of the salt being taken out. Slugs are said to be 'overjoyed' by the news.
Of course, this comes after pressure from health watchdogs who spend their time weeping over the stats on food packets that no-one understands.
The Government's Food Standards Agency and campaigning health groups have been asking Kellogg's to change their recipes. The FSA says Britain is eating too much salt. Britons can, it's worth pointing out, buy salt separately and drown everything they eat in it, if they want.
Apparently, the daily average for salt consumption is 8.6g, which is 43% above the recommended limit of 6g. This figure is linked to loads of premature deaths from conditions linked to high blood pressure, including strokes and heart attacks.
This change in recipe means that 300 tons of salt a year will be removed from the nation's diet.
Professor Graham MacGregor, chairman of Consensus Action on Salt and Health, said: 'We are thrilled that Kellogg's have finally acknowledged that people don't want salty breakfast cereals.
'However, even with the new reductions, Kellogg's breakfast cereals will still have more salt than many others available in the supermarkets, so they still have some work to do.'
Bloody hell. Assuming that Kellogg's is the biggest selling cereal on the market, surely that's an indication that people like a shitload of salt in their breakfast? People who don't want it can buy other brands, right?
Next week: Watchdog demands arse-wiping action from colons.