Is our jam and marmalade under threat?

30 October 2013

jam The stupid gits in government are planning to mess with our jams and marmalade and it isn't on. In a bid to 'boost the economy', they plan to relax the rules on the minimum amount of sugar needed to classify a product calling itself jam.

Obviously, huge companies not paying tax is fine, but the economy would be saved if we got our breakfasts spoiled instead.

Lib Dem MP, Tessa Munt, is getting all Citizen Smith and fighting for the rights of ours spreads, saying that this move will be "the end of the British breakfast as we know it" and that we'll all end up with cheaper, runnier spreads with a shorter life span.

Talking to Auntie Beeb, she said: "I'm actually quite worried because I think this is going to be the end of the British breakfast as we know it. Our jams and marmalades are so important - and we know what to expect when we go into the supermarket or into our local shop or farm shops locally, we know exactly what we're going to buy when something says jam on it - or marmalade or jelly - we know exactly what to expect."

"At the minute, we've got a jam that we know exactly what it's like. It's a fantastic colour, a really good shelf life - it's going to last a year - it's beautiful consistency, it's got a gloss to it. If these regulations change, we'll end up with something much more like the French and German product - and worse still the Americans - where they have things a bit like a fruit butter or a fruit spread."

Of course, manufacturers are behind the idea of lowering the sugar levels. That's because they'll be able to spend less money. Worse still is that these regulations will only apply to England, meaning that our cousins across the border in Wales and Scotland will be able to mock us loudly with delicious jam on toast while we watch our breakfast run through our fingers.

This. Is. An. Outrage.

TOPICS:   Government

6 comments

  • LD
    f.f.s they're fannying about with jam and the country is a total shambles? Guy Fawkes where are you when we need you?
  • jt
    Tessa Munt?
  • Grammar N.
    We must preserve our jams!!
  • Gary
    @LD Mmmm, fanny jams.....
  • ihateputtingnamesin
    I don't see the problem. If the jam produced is shit then no one will buy it so they'll put more sugar in it to make it taste nice again.
  • Haggis M.
    @Gary: 5 black men and a skinny burd.

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