Government planning to monitor all our calls, texts, emails and web use

2 April 2012

CULT_Johnny-5_Short_Circuit_lg Just when you thought the government were incapable of upsetting us all any more (you didn’t though did you?), they’ve announced another plan that is set to have us all spitty and apoplectic.

Under new legislation that is set to be unveiled soon, the government will be able to monitor the calls, emails, texts and website visits of ALL OF US. Any time, whenever they like. It’s all to do with tackling crime and terrorism apparently, but it sucks worse than a fat dog’s egg if you ask us.

Assuming that the legislation is passed, it will mean that internet service providers will be required to give intelligence agency GCHQ access to communications on demand, in real time. Obviously, they won’t be able to just push a button and see who you’re talking to, texting or emailing – a warrant will be required, but once that is obtained, all of your communication data will be theirs to peruse. Cool – like a modern-day East Germany.

Back in the day, the previous Labour government tried to bring in a central, government-run database of everyone’s calls and emails, but backed off in the face of much spitting and apoplexy from all sides, including the then-Tory opposition. It seems now that their concerns might have been that the plans just didn’t go far enough. The weasels.

Nick Pickles, director of the Big Brother Watch campaign group, has called the move “an unprecedented step that will see Britain adopt the same kind of surveillance seen in China and Iran”. Meanwhile Shami Chakrabarti, director of Liberty, added: “This is more ambitious than anything that has been done before. It is a pretty drastic step in a democracy.”

We’re expecting to see vociferous protesting about this one in the weeks and months to come. No doubt it’s just a smokescreen designed to distract us all while they usher in another slightly less diabolical scheme on the quiet instead. Like banning chips or something. Wankers.

TOPICS:   Government   Scams   Mobile


  • Mike H.
    What the fuck has Johnny 5 got to do with all this? Are you suggesting that he will be monitoring me? I thought he was a nice lad. See if you can get up these stairs mate.
  • oliverred
    They can't manage ID cards or a central NHS database, how the fuck do they think they will cope with all this data monitoring each and every browser request, text, email etc
  • klingelton
    wonder how long it will be before people start getting slung into prison for having an opinion about something, or joking about something... oh wait - that shit already happens. Nothing will change.
  • Shane
    Thats no problem, they can monitor me searching google all day for "David Cameron is a massive cunt" all they want.
  • catweazle
    I'll guarantee they'll spend shitloads of money on this and then fuck it all up. Nosey, dozy bastards.
  • Johny 5.
    @Mike, watchit sunshine, I've got a laser on me shoulder and I ain't past doing a bit of jewish laser surgery (and no, I ain't talking noses).
  • ShakesHeadSadly
    If the end result is that I get followed round everywhere by the coolest movie robot in hstory, the government can monitor anything they want!
  • DragonChris
    I wonder how hard the MPAA is pushing for this to go out... Fucking corruption amongst those with power is disgusting.
  • Zleet
    Doubtless handling the data will be farmed out to some faceless American mega corporation who will sell it on. And as we all know terrorists all use fucking Google and this is in no way a gross invasion of privacy in all likely hood backed by media companies wanting to control the internet and the government wanting to stop access to dissenting voices.
  • samuri
    satellite internet from other country's welcome

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