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SAINSBURYS AND NETTO UP A TREE -  K.I.S.S.I.N.G

Ah Netto – supermarket of kings. Well, not kings as such – more people in rags smoking fags, disconsolately spending their meagre benefits on cider and Sara Lee gateaus to get through another miserable day on Earth. So it’s something of a surprise that Sainsbury’s are partnering up with the Danish super budget supermarket, and…

Sainsbury's sales fall AGAIN as Justin King jumps ship

Sainsbury’s bigwig Justin King is getting ready to move on to pastures new, but not before announcing that Sainsbury’s like-for-like sales have dropped again. It’s the second time that Sainsbury’s have reported a loss –previous to that, it had nine unblemished, consecutive years of growth. So what’s the problem? Well, we all know the impact…

Are 'Best Before' labels past their sell by date?

‘Best before’ labels on food were always a strange and nebulous idea. If you ate the food after that date, what would happen? Did it just mean that it wouldn’t be in the prime of life, or that it was covered in green fur and you should ask a pest control expert to get rid…

Terrible tradesmen cost the UK nearly £2 billion

You know what it’s like. You try to find a reputable tradesman, and some pie eating git with a gut the size of the moon comes into your house, whistles through his teeth and tells you it’ll cost a thousand quid to put up a shelf. Then they bugger it up and you have to…

Lidl and Aldi batteries are best value for money

If you insist on long life batteries, prices vary widely. A Which! survey found that the cheapest place to buy Duracell is at Asda, where two packs of four AA batteries were £6.17. The most expensive place was Waitrose, where they can set you back £7.64. Prices have since fallen, but still, that's a big…

Morrisons stop washing windows to save cash

It’s a sign of the times when a supermarket has to cut back on its cleaning bill to save cash, but that’s what mucky Morrisons is doing this winter. In a triumph of bizarre logic, bosses have decided to cancel window cleaning at all its stores in a war against slipping sales, which dropped by…

Would you take a budget flight to the US?

Flying with a budget airline - with their ridiculous baggage restrictions, overpriced cups of tea and no legroom – can be hell if you’re on a 2 hour flight to Magaluf. But now Norwegian airlines are introducing cut-price transatlantic flights to New York and LA, starting from just £149 one way. The long haul flights,…

Dear Toilet… anybody in there?

A council has written a nice letter to an abandoned toilet asking for permission for a local shop to sell alcohol. Norwich City Council bafflingly addressed the loo letter ‘To The Occupier of the public convenience next to 150/152 Magdelen Street.’ It then went on to ask the toilet to fill in a form in…

Spitting on the street could cost you £80

Waltham Forest Council in North East London is the first council to introduce a fine for spitting on the street - and it adds up to £80 for each filthy expectoration you do on the pavement. As part of a crackdown on littering, the scheme was trialled in February after two young ne-er do wells…

UK needs more cheap houses for rent

Britain needs a million more affordable houses to rent to avoid a homelessness crisis by 2021, a Cambridge University study has revealed. At the moment, the UK is already suffering a shortfall of 300,000 rented homes at below market prices. In London alone - where it costs a million pounds to live in an old…

MP wants to sell personalised LI6 DEM number plate because he defected

A former Liberal Democrat - now defected to Labour - is now trying to sell his personalised number plate, LI6 DEM. Obviously, you can't be a Labour MP and drive around promoting the Lib Dems. Indeed, having a personalised plate like that only ensures that your car can be targeted by eggs much easier. Anyway,…

£1 houses for sale – damp and rats included

Ever thought of moving to Stoke on Trent? (Thought not). Well, now, you can score yourself a derelict terraced house in the land of pottery for just £1. 35 2 bedroom houses in the Cobridge area of the city are being sold off by the local council for the price of a white sliced loaf,…

Thought trains were overcrowded? It's going to get worse say MPs

It's always galling when The Powers That Be tell you that you should be going green and using public transport, especially in light of the fact that, for the most part, public transport can be a hellish experience. What's worse is when you read a report saying it will probably get worse. And so, in…

EU regulations to stop health food companies using cod-science

Health food, for many, is clearly a load of pro-biollocks. However, it is big business as people glug their way through millions of bottles of Actimel and Yakult in the knowledge that some scientific sounding words on the packaging couldn't possibly be a crock of shit. However, these claims may soon be gone thanks to…

Like talking dirty online? Like watching porn on the iPad? Not for long...

Smut. Filth. A nod is as good as a wink to a blind bat. Kyak kyak. All that dirty stuff is pretty popular online, right? You don't have to feel like a seedy ol' shit with a grubby mac on whilst perusing nude humans with engorged bits or talking filth to complete strangers. The joy…