Nintendo announces Wii 2 and, er, that's it

26 April 2011


The Wii 2 is coming! That is the end of this story, pretty much.

Nintendo have revealed that they’ll be unveiling the thing at E3 in June but that it won’t go on sale until 2012. Which means that there’ll be a huge rubber-band ball made from Wii 2 rumours floating around the cybersphere between now and then. So, here’s our own contribution to it…

  • The console sequel won’t have a conventional controller, nor will it have some kind of Kinect-type control method. Games will be played for you in a remote location, often by teams of prisoners, and all you’ll have to do is sit back and watch.
  • The Wii 2 will still work if you pour pop in it.
  • The Wii 2 will have a TV-viewing mode – thanks to a special filter, all your favourite shows will star Wii Mii icons instead of humans. So far, Nintendo UK have only done Dot Cotton and John Virgo, but say they’ll have the rest ready for 2012.

Feel free to add your own half-arsed speculation underneath...


  • nicster08
    The Wii 2 will have a 'travel transport function' meaning you can choose which country you can play in. So if you select Japan, you will be transported to play in Japan. You can even go 'down under'. Another feature is time travel, so if your friend beats you you can go back & beat them! It also transforms into a computer... no, really!
  • fake b.
    It will have half an arse, which will make it unsteady
  • Chris
    the Wii 2 logo will consist of the current 'Wii' logo with a '2' after it, possibly in a different font.
  • Milky
    There be a sonic & Tails fox bumming special game with special groinal unit control harness & tactile sensor glove. Wonky Henry will be happy. A button for ejaculate, or simply a thrustometer & a wave your joystick? ..we need to hammer these things out now with designers.
  • qwertyuiop
    In keeping with the bodily waste theme, the follow-up to the Wii shall be called the Puu. Yeah, take that!
  • StuPid
    I believe Father Dougal MacGuire has already described it fully "They say it's as big as four cats, and it's got a retractable leg so as it can leap up at you better and you know what Ted, it lights up at night, and it's got four ears. Two of them are for listening and the other two are kind of back-up ears, and it's claws are as big as cups and for some reason it's got a tremendous fear of stamps and Mrs. Doyle was tellin' me that it's got magnets on it's tail so's if you're made out of metal it can attach itself to you, and instead of a mouth it's got four arses" and backwards compatibility he went on to say
  • Zleet
    Wii 2, the Puu?

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