New iPhone. Big deal.

iPhone-Cake_slideshow_image In case you weren’t aware by now, Apple launched a new iPhone yesterday, the 4S, and as a handset, it gets a massive Bitterwallet ‘Meh!’ from us. The ‘new’ phone has a faster processor and a better camera and they’ve sorted out the antenna issues that blighted the launch of the iPhone 4 but apart from that, no one’s particularly impressed.

The actual evolution comes with the software, the iOS5 operating system, which will be released on October 12th, two days before the stupid, boring new phone. The main development is the addition of Siri, a voice-controlled ‘intelligent assistant’ that will allow you to get your phone to do stuff by talking to it. While making you look like a bit of a dick unless you’re completely on your own.

Following months of iPhone 5 rumours, the launch of the 4S will come as a massive disappointment to many. Someone who took out a 24-month contract when the 3GS was launched in June 2009 will be eligible for an upgrade to the 4S but will probably be behind the curve again by the time their new contract runs out, assuming that an iPhone 5 emerges this time next year.

With new Android handsets being released every month from various manufacturers, Apple are in serious danger of looking tired and jaded by the time the next model of the iPhone actually appears. Unless they can make it fire beer lasers. Wankers.


  • Dr. S.
    The last thing I want to do is offended anybody; as it's not in my nature. However, the owners of iPhones are thick, narrow-minded buffoons. All of them. Crazy fools.
  • Phil
    Beer lasers on your phone - how late to the party apple... My Android has been able to do that for 10 years.
  • mikeypop
    I don't quite get all the negativity really - seemingly sticking with a form factor that lots of people seem to like and not calling it "5" mean it must be shite? Yet the innards are easily a match for anything else currently on the market, it has new software with some interesting features (granted, Siri looks impressive, but I imagine most people won't use it) and still works in the best eco-system in terms of Apps and accessories etc. ...perhaps my old 3G is that out-dated that anything seems better, but I'm pretty sure that Apple will continue to sell lots of these - both to people who like what it does and the brain-dead window-lickers that apparently buy such things regardless.
  • SuperPhoneBoy
    The thing is, yes there are a gazillion android handsets released ever month, but they also are very rarely that much different to the last. You can quote fancy specs as much as you want, but in reality what does it mean to how much better the phone will be to use and what can I do that i couldn't before for the price you are asking? The real answer... most phones are a pile of crap. Samsung Galaxy S II is pants, ugly, gay, horrible. HTC have some nice phones, but they are just staying pretty nice. The updates are not really offering any more than Apple is with this. All I see this release is, maintaining the status quo. iPhone at the top. Android phones offering a solid but nothing special alternative (and something for the Apple bashing people and Geeks). Me? I just want a decent phone. I'm not really impressed with either the Android or Apple offerings.
  • appletizer
    re "the inards are a match for anything currently available" - are you on f^cking crack - have you been living under a rock for the last 15 months. To the t^t who said the sII is gay etc etc - grow the f^ck up and get back to your call centre job.
  • mikeypop
    Is your keyboard broken appletizer? you don't seem to be able to spell "fucking tit" - ironic really. Dual-core A5 processor in the new 4S is going to easily handle anything that most sane people want to do with a phone, without resorting to meaningless number-crunching stats that mean shit in the real world. The Infinity Blade 2 demo is all you need to see what this thing can do, and if it that is somehow not enough power for you in a phone then I can only assume it's you who is on the crack.
  • Rb
    I'm with Mikey here. It's certainly a 'evolution', it's improvements in much the same way they did before the 4. It's rather pointless comparing Android to iPhone in my opinion as well anyway. Some phones may have better specs, but as android has to be able to work with absolute dross as well the functionality can certainly be hindered because of that. One thing Apple certainly do well is make a phone and make the OS work seamlessly with it. Something I'm yet to see on any android phone yet. I fully expect this evolution to sell well, and yes that will be partly due to bandwagoning and slightly because people are now invested in the iOs app store so may be over a barrel a little bit. But It'll still be the best phone out this side of christmas, that's for sure.
  • Matt
    Is this Engadget? No? Well, I could have sworn it for a second- pointless arguments over what software a phone runs.
  • Paddy
    I'm able to upgrade at the start of November. I can't wait. I went from an iphone 3 to a HTC Desire and have regretted it for almost the entire time. Woeful battery, memory, constant signal loss that o2 haven't been able to sort (I don't expect to have no signal on the m4 corridor), inadequate built in memory which means I can't update some apps that I can't transfer to the SD card. Im a geek by trade but fuck me, android and handset problems mean I can't wait to go back to apple walled garden or not, at least there are no integration problems and android market is a mess. Rant over. Awaiting incoming.....
  • Tim
    All matters not. If you're a member of CultApple, you'll buy it. You have no choice. Queue round the block for this waiting all nigh will be as long as ever. Even is Siri is a recycled third party app and was done before years ago on other phones anyway (not to mention Google have voice search, even on Nokia phones!... which incidentally have had voice control out of the box for years). Only thing this phone really brings is a greater drain on your battery and wallet.
  • Richard
    As the post from Andy Dawson demonstrates the Cult of AntiApple is just as fanatical as any Apple fan.
  • bingobango
    @Paddy I've had an HTC desire now for over a year and I love it, I have never been so happy with a phone. To get the best out of it you need to root it and get a different ROM (then you will have all the free space you want). I'm currently running MIUI but there are loads of different ROMS. Since you're a self confessed geek I'm surprised you havent' already done this? (Before anyone starts, I know you *shouldn't* have to do this to a phone to make it more useable, but the fact that you can is pretty awesome).
  • PokeHerPete
    Being fortunate enough to own a personal 3GS ad a HTC Desire through work Ive had experience of both devices. And... any other phone apart from the iPhone is a piece of shit. You are in the continual rat race of having the latest phone. My 3GS, while now 2 models behind, is still usable and supported by the majority of apps. It still feels like a cutting edge phone and I do not feel mugged off by Apple. Whereas the Desire... At the time of getting it, it was the same cost contract as the iPhone a year ago. Look where it is now, it can't even support the latest Android version and the handset value is minimal. Also there have been many incarnations of it over the last year, so if I bought it myself Id feel completely ripped off.
  • klingelton
    I'm a geek and i love my iPhone. i had a desire z - which was a great phone as well - but the iphone has the edge. it's just that bit slicker. the thing is, it's about cost for some people. you can get the latest android phones for a basic contract cost FOC, however apple phones still cost the earth. that said, i love the iphone and will be replacing my handset with another apple product. i've even started to switch my pc providings to mac as well. a true convert you might say. i stand by my conviction - out of the box, the iphone is rubbish. get some of those apps, which are mostly quite polished and the thing is bloody great.
  • Mr S.
    To Paddy Have a look at It's a faff to do (like really a faff, in a way that makes Apple users laugh like a drain) but it's totally worth it. The phone will be faster and you'll get double the battery life out of it plus a whole bunch of the funtionality you are after. I used to hate my HTC Desire but, whilst I don't love it (that would be sad) we are now on very good terms (although it can be a tad buggy with some apps). By the way, if you are a Google Apps user, the built in online backup is something to behold. Nuke the phone, type in your Google details and watch the phone rebuild itself!
  • Ian
    PokeHerPete, you paid well over the odds for your desire in that case, i got mine free at launch on a £25pm 18 month. Now can you even find me anywhere today where i can get an iphone 3gs free on £25pm for 18 months. I swapped my iphone 3g for a desire, i gave the iphone to the mrs, its practically useless these days so slow and constantly locking up, my desire on the other hand is running honeycomb with no problems at all.... What im basically saying is you are talking a crock...
  • Ian 0.
    Iphone 3gs Free on 02 for 18months for £21.50..
  • appletizer
    Posted by mikeypop • October 5, 2011 at 2:10 pm Is your keyboard broken appletizer? you don’t seem to be able to spell “fucking tit” – ironic really. Dual-core A5 processor in the new 4S is going to easily handle anything that most sane people want to do with a phone, without resorting to meaningless number-crunching stats that mean shit in the real world. The Infinity Blade 2 demo is all you need to see what this thing can do, and if it that is somehow not enough power for you in a phone then I can only assume it’s you who is on the crack. Read the post you dumb bastard - fucking and tit are in seperate sentances - I actually love crack - your mums crack and it smells like sweaty foxes.
  • Brandon H.
    Why is it apple make big announcements over little things. Voice control. People will try it and laugh, burn the gimmick out within half an hour and then wonder what the fuss was about. Regarding HTC seen as a lot of people are quoting the desire, they are good phones but lost faith in them when i discovered they had been intentionally limiting the audio quality on video recordings on their phones. AMRNB codec is intended only for voice recordings. Why use it over aac and mp3. Anyway, let her rip... @PokeHerPete Well done by unintentionally making a point for both sides. You may prefer your iphone to android, but you have also stated how pointless apples iphone revisions have been by saying your 3gs still feels cutting edge. The 3gs was faster than the 3g, the 4g was faster than the 3gs, and now the 4gs will be faster than the 4g. The 3gs was enough of an increase for all apps to run fine, what apps do you have now that require people to fork out another £500+ (dependant on 4gs prices when released) for more processor and not much else. The htc desire can also support the latest android version (i'm running it now!!!). """"the handset value is minimal"""". Surely having a very capable phone for a low price is a good thing. Unless the iphone is not actually about having a good phone, simply about proving you've got money to burn. @SuperPhoneBoy """"Samsung Galaxy S II is pants, ugly, gay, horrible."""". Hmmmm, from the number of highly praising reviews i would say you're in a minority. Better take off them beer goggles (or is that iphone goggles). @Paddy (RE htc desire) """"Woeful Battery"""". yeah, because the iphone is known for its sterling week long battery. """"Memory"""". Hello, SD card calling. Granted, some of the older androids needed more internal memory if installing loads of apps, but this isnt a problem with this generation. """"constant signal loss that o2 haven’t been able to sort"""". So theres every possibility it could be o2, not the phone. @Rb You have the only genuine points about android vs iphone. Apple makes both the OS and the phone, whereas many manufacturers make android handsets, but they never made android, they just adapt it which is not the same thing. The dross comment is in some ways fair, the android market is brimming with more freelance programmers rather than big developers. This means there may be lots of buggy apps and you have to watch out for malware (donwload "lookout" app to protect your phone), but we have the bonus of probably having more free apps.
  • shaun
    @ SuperPhoneBoy Biggot. What to do you have against gay people??
  • alan
    I used to be a member of the church of apple, but a number of things are really killing my love for them now. First my ipad 2 they refused to fix, second - ios5 and 5.1 totally hosed my iphone 3gs battery power, MAC OS lion is full of bugs and performance problems. So much for Steve Jobs' we don't ship junk. It's seeming to me that's all they do now. I'm sick of my 3gs. When I got it it was superceded within 6 months by the iphone 4, now i'm two phones back level with the arrival of the 4s. and I have to sit like a muppet on my 24 month contract with 4 months left to run until I can theoretically upgrade to a 4s which eats battery too. I'm not impressed. even if I do go iphone 4s , it will be superceded within about 6 months with the iphone 5 and i will spend 75%+ of a 24 month contract back a level, and back 2 levels at the end of it. Meanwhile I see android phones with same features for £20/month compared to 35 a month + with an iphone and other android phones that do 3d video recording and playback? er apple? hello? you are SOOOO behind!!! by the time the iphone 5 comes out with better siri and a couple of minor changes, android phones will be blowing hot and cold running hookers and cocaine up your backside and making the tea.

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