Barmy new 'no laptops allowed' rule from Cineworld


In a story that is currently spreading across Twitter like some kind of dark green ooze, it has been revealed that the Cineworld cinema chain have now banned filmgoers from taking laptops into screenings, in fear that they might record the film.

Because, you know, if you wanted to make a sneaky recording of Pixar’s Up to spread all over the internet, you’d choose to do it on a cumbersome laptop as opposed to a mobile phone or a video camera that had been carefully fitted into a secret compartment inside your top hat. Wouldn’t you?

In spite of making a pirate movie with a laptop being the daftest idea since taking boxing gloves to a book signing, TV and radio broadcaster Jeremy Nicholas found himself prevented from entering a screening at his local Cineworld last night because he had his laptop with him. Staff told him he would have to leave it with them and collect it after the film, in spite of the fact that they had no kind of receipt system in place.

Wisely, Jeremy “declined the kind offer to look after my £1500 Sony Vaio that contains all my current work projects, plus some half baked book ideas.”

He and his laptop were eventually allowed in to see the film, after convincing the cinema’s child-faced manager that the Vaio didn’t actually have a camera in it.

In his blog, Jeremy adds: “I often pop in to the movies after work, so I often have the laptop with me and I wanted to check that this was definitely out from now on.  He said after advice from FACT, the Federation Against Copyright Theft, Cineworld had brought in the new guidelines.”

“I asked if it would be OK to take my mobile phone into the film as that does have the capacity to record movies.  He asked if I was planning to use it for that purpose. I said no.  He said it would be all right then. Not the most rigorous interrogation and one that a determined bootlegger probably could have passed.”

And the movie that Jeremy saw? ‘Surrogates.’ In the man’s own words, “[POSSIBLE MASSIVE FUCKING SPOILER ALERTS!!!!!!!!!!!] about a future world where people have been replaced by robots. Everything ran smoothly for a while, but in the end it all went wrong because the robots were efficient but lacked humanity.” Hmmm, what does that remind us of?

Bitterwallet have approached Cineworld for a quote but they have yet to respond. We’ll bring you their thoughts as and when we get them.


  • Someone's m.
    Hey Adny, thanks for fucking ruining Surrogates for us all, you idiotic twat.
    • Andy D.
      Sorted. Thanks.
  • kyle
    ^^^^Shut up bitch ^^^^
    Hey 'Adny' - Thanks for making it clear Surrogates is obviously a bag of wank - I'll avoid. Besides there are worse things happening in the world - like rapes.
  • Mark
    I've always wondered where they get this whole 'its paying customers who make the cam rips' idea from. The majority of decent cams seem to come from closed showings, often filmed from the projection booths, rather than public screenings. I rarely use cinemas that insist on bag checking due to this ludicrous overlooking of logic! It also seems a bit daft as the majority of rips are from America- I mean, how often do we get a film before the US anyway?
  • iCock
    Why you telling me to shut up and calling me a bitch? At least I had good reason for my comment. You're just a fucking troll. Get back under your bridge.
  • Mr H.
    Cineworld wouldn't let me bring in my laptop into a movie 5 years ago... Old news!
  • Just M.
    fuck sake, get over it, it is there for a reason, there are a considerable number of films stolen from cinemas around the UK and thats one way to stop it, and YES it has happened that way before.... if you cant understand that then thats your problem, some people have been let in to screenings with laptops and then they will sit there in the dark with the poxy things on, i know i have seen them and asked them to turn them off, i got told to fuck off, i then asked them to leave, and he said, who the fuck do you think you are the fucking manger, and i said yes and i had security escort him out of the building. that was the highlight of a very bad film. and like it has been said before......... OLD NEWS... just rehashed by a non entity news reporting site thast just crap really
  • Reg W.
    In my local one I have seen people bring bags of shopping in with them, could have any number of recording devices hidden amongst the corn flakes.
  • sidecar s.
    Thanks for letting the cat out of the bag. My local Cineworld has now banned top hats.
  • Matt B.
    I was refused entry to Transformers 2 as I had a pencil and paper in my possession. When I asked why I was told the reasons were sketchy.
  • John S.
    Shanks here. I haven't been to the cinema since 'Lethal Weapon II'. It was terrible.
  • iPhone F.
    @ John Shanks Were you/are you still drunk? LWII is a brilliant film. Rotten Tomatoes says so. 82%
  • Joe
    Here some D*ickhead in cineworld in n. wales refused to let me in with a normal sized bag (aprox A4 size), and said it was for trip hazard. Just in hind sight, lots of ppl were allowed in with bags? so does cineworld expect all of us to either have: BIG pockets, or dedicated trips to cineworld with only our car keys and a wallet? Please if they wanted to make up rules on the spot, at least post them somewhere obvious instead of stopping me after i have bought the tickets and ready to go in.
  • Zeddy
    @Matt Beeching: "When I asked why I was told the reasons were sketchy." And what conclusions did you therefore draw from these reasons?
  • CompactDstrxion
    It's interesting how the legit paying customers are the ones who suffer whereas the pirates will continue to have no problem uploading and downloading films as they please, with no hassle.
  • D'Underhead
    Do people still go to cineworld? I stopped because I was sick of: * My feet sticking to a thin film of food that had been mopped across the floor * Being expected to pay two quid for a cup of warm urine and milk, ludicrously described as "tea". * Seeing snacks that a citizen of third world nation can only dream about, on sale at a price equivalent to the entire gross national product of a third world nation I simply avoided the place for a few months and splashed out on a dirty big TV and home cinema system. Another few months and I'll be quids in. I'm really enjoying a much more pleasant "viewing experience" and don't miss one bit the snotty little nerds trumpeting their chav habits across the foyer.
  • Paddy
    @TVDBP There's no such thing as rape, just 'surprise sex'.
  • iCock
    @TVDBP Hey man! Way to go, pointing out a fucking spelling mistake!!! WOW! You're like a modern-day Batman. Oh wait, no you're not. You're like a lame-arse mofo with nothing better to do than pick your spots and say "HAH! He spelt a word wrong. I'll show him!" Dun-dun-duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
  • b.
    [...] [...]
  • Barmy? i.
    [...] Barmy? More like fecking insane!! Filed under Amusing, Crazy, Odd stuff, Technology, The Bizzare, The Strange no comments Barmy new ‘no laptops allowed’ rule from Cineworld | BitterWallet [...]
  • 3 P.
    [...] 2: Barmy New ‘No Laptops Allowed’ Rule from Cineworld [...]
  • tim
    Went into the Glasgow cineworld today and puchased a ticket to see Predators, on going to the screen the guard asked me if my bag contained a laptop or camera , i said yes i had a netbook. I was refused entry to the film. on speaking to the manager no help was given, i even suggested i removed my battery, but no i was not allowed to see the file, and was given a refund. I mentioned that mobiles are still allowed in, but this cut no mustard. this is clear discrimination against laptops, since mobile phones can now take HD viddo. I will never ever goto a Cineworld again, not a hard decision since they are usually full of youngsters with their feet up against the seats a d using their mobiles to check text messages.
  • ugg
    hi!,I like your writing so a lot! share we be in contact more about your post on AOL? I need a specialist on this space to unravel my problem. Maybe that is you! Taking a look forward to peer you.

What do you think?

Your comment