Apple! Give us our nipples! We demand to see nipples!


We don’t know what goes on under Steve Jobs’ creepy polo neck shirts but there’s a chance that the man has extreme nipple issues. That might explain why in the world of Apple, the human nipple does not exist.

Which is a shame, if the iPad wants to be taken seriously as the new delivery system for magazines, because it seems that women’s nipples in iPad-ready magazines are a big no-no.

The ban doesn’t just apply to nipples in lads’ mags like Loaded and Front – we’re talking about artier, fartier publications like Dazed & Confused and Vibe. An insider at Dazed & Confused told Shiny Shiny that the iPad edition of the magazine has been nicknamed ‘the Iran edition’ as it has had to be censored and all titty-bits removed before submission to Apple HQ.

We’re not sure where Apple stand on the inclusion of male nipples or even animal nipples, but eventually, the world will have had enough of Jobs and his nip-nannying bullshit and tell him to go fuck himself. Probably.


  • Skwareone
    Ok, no flash, fair enough, but no nipples? This might be the death of the Ipad..........
  • Noghar
    Due to Apple's brilliant design it is impossible to access any pornography on an Apple machine. You have to use the Android OS. Oh, wait a minute, no it isn't. Steve Jobs is a twat.
  • Nobby
    Of course apple fans can access porn on the ipad. They can get pictures of all apple's products to use for masturbation purposes.
  • IfYouCopyMyNameYouAreGayIsGay
    Can I just pretend thats a female nipple and chug one off to it anyway?
  • wander
  • Skymarshall
    That's not a female nipple. DAMMIT.
  • wonky h.
    or a foxes nipple.
  • Nobby
  • Brad
    It funny as most people who buy Apple products tend to be massive tits, so just need to look in the mirror to see a nipple! ZING!!!!
  • parpparp
    I suppose an iPad is about as useful as a tit without a nipple. Which makes the users screaming, unsatisfied babies.
  • dunfyboy
    Isn't the screen reflective? Users can see a whole tit.
  • Android B.
    [...] almost all over for Apple. Missing prototype iPhones, worker suicides, a deranged ‘no nipples’ rule and now they’re about to be battered by [...]

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