Make your child rich - for free!

some rich little blighters, yesterday

We like free things here at Bitterwallet. We also like money. So free money would definitely be A Good Thing in our book. We also know that children can be expensive little blighters, so using free money to (financially) wash your hands of the money-grabbing monsters seems like a really good idea.

Of course, the crux of this plan is the free child benefit paid to the carer of every child in the UK. Currently. Plans are afoot to make the benefit means tested, such that higher rate taxpayers receive a reduced amount, or even none at all, but the detail of such plans is still a work-in-progress. However, for those unlucky enough to work for BitterWallet (and therefore have no chance of being a higher rate taxpayer) or similar, you will still get your £20.30* a week for having a child.

So how do you make your child a millionaire? The answer is compound interest.

If you invest £20.30 a week (which is normally paid 4 weekly, so we’ll assume a monthly amount of £87.97) instead of spending it on beer and fags food and nappies, the magic of compound interest means that, if your rate of return for 18 years is:

  • 3% (even achievable now, when rates are low), your child will have over £25,000 at 18
  • 6%, your child will have over £34,000 , or
  • 10% your child will have a massive £52,831 at age 18.

OK, so they might not be a millionaire, but I wouldn’t have turned my nose up at £25,000 for my 18th. Particularly £25,000 that hadn’t cost my parents anything. Of course, nowadays, children will have to spend £27,000 on University fees for three years...

*actually you only get £20.30 for the first child, second and subsequent children are only worth £13.40 each. Looking at some of you, it’s probably best you stop at one though, don’t you think?


  • Gunn
    Good point, you should really be able to afford a child without benefit, so putting it in a fund is not a bad idea.
  • Brad
    We still pay people to have kids? Fuck there too many people now! If you can afford them dont have them. Maybe even a cull would be handy every so often.
  • MrRobin
    Only £1665 per month to make them a millionaire by 18 (@ 10%) Easily affordable! :-/ £2582 / £3497 at 6% / 3%
  • Traps
    great article..however these change to child benefit wont be a joking matter to me ( father of 1 yr old twins) .. being the only wage earner and near the cut off point means that this benefit is a vital part of our household income .. once i cross that magic number and am no longer entitled to it i'll be much worse off or have to ask for no payrise ever again and the implications on my pension.. i think we'll hear lots more on this as current plans state that say 2 parents getting 42k each would still get it while people like me who will earn just over 43k will lose out . really unfair in my book but according to my MP its too expensive to implement a fair system!
  • Zleet
    If someone had of given me 25 grand at eighteen I would have died or at least taken so much blow my nose would have fallen off.
  • Gitsy
    Shame you forgot about inflation. The advice at the moment should be to spend it on booze and fags, or maybe some cut price economy beans and sliced white. With inflation at c4%, you have to invest it at at least that rate not to erode the value of cash for the brat. 3% account would mean the value of your savings pot is getting smaller. You'd also have to take into account tax on the interest. The same argument can be applied to houses. If you buy one now, and it goes up in value by 3% in the next year, whoopie - you've lost 1% of its value (let alone cost of stamp duty and moving). Doesn't stop muppets buying them though.
  • singhster
    "the magic of compound interest" - why is basic maths magic nowadays?
  • Spanna
    @Traps. You're earning £40K a year, I'm pretty sure you could afford to lose £40 a week! My wife and I barely earn 25K between us, have 3 kids and we rarely touch our CB. If you can't then you're vastly overspending, I suggest you downsize your house a tad. Understand what you're saying about the cutoff though, it should go on total household income.
  • You
    @Traps. Why do people like you think you have a right to benefits? You're bleating on as if its unfair that you won't get any more free money from the government because you'll be earning too much. Are you friggin serious?? If i was re-writing the law, as soon as you tipped over the pay threshold youd have to start paying back all the benefits you'd had while you were under it.
  • Bazinga
    We should definitely stop paying people to have children. At least make you pay CB back to someone else if you have more than 2.
  • Darren
    I love it how people believe if you can afford it you should not get benefits. I earn a half decent wage, and have worked my arse off to earn it, So why should someone who could not bother to get a proper paying career get money for free? free money for the stupid and lazy!
  • Dick
    > However, for those unlucky enough to work for BitterWallet (and therefore have no chance of being a higher rate taxpayer) The first thing I thought of was if you are unlucky enough to work for BitterWallet was not the zero chance of being a higher rate taxpayer, but the zero chance of having kids. Or meeting a woman.
  • Dick
    @Traps - can you do any salary sacrifice at your work? I salary sacrifice for both pension and nursery care (both pension and nursery is through my employer). This makes my formal salary drop from just above the limit (approx £45K), to below it as I pay for pension and nursery costs before paying tax.
  • Vincent J.
    What a fuckin great idea this.. Its like ACTUALLY a good idea! In japan, you can only have one child, the rest you have to sell to Matalan for exploitation, Disney to get them sexed up or indeed just throw in the microwave and be done with it.. I hate children, I really do, I cant stand the sight of them. I wish babies stop making those cute bubbling faces at me, I hate smiling, do you comprehend? Still, saving even half of the benefit would be a great pressie on the 18th birthday. "here kiddo, you now have to put this into your kids bank account..."

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