Five Top Jobs To Help Smash The Crunch

26 November 2008

We’re all being hit in the pocket by the credit crunch, but if you take on a second job, even if it’s just for a few extra hours a week, you’ll still be smiling even when the economic gloom gets darker.
Here’s five jobs you could take on to help you crush the crunch…


Not strictly a legal profession, but times are hard and it’s a dog eat dog world out there.
Head for London’s West End – tourists there expect to get their wallets lifted.
Anyway, if they haven’t got their valuables safely jammed down their undercrackers then they’re asking for it.
You’ll even find that some of them join in with the spirit of the thing and politely hand over their goods if you’re struggling to pick their pockets.


Think of the credit crunch as being like the second world war, where spivs would cash in by selling bananas down darkened side-streets.
This is a similar idea, except you’ll be flogging dead animals that you’ve trapped and slaughtered yourself.
All you need is a van, a chopping board and some big knives. And maybe a net. And possibly a gun.
Then, just get out into your neighbourhood and stock up before selling fresh cats, rats and rabbits door-to-door.


To the ordinary bystander, it’ll look like you’re giving something back to the community.
But go to work in a big overcoat, and you’ll soon be stuffing all sorts of resalable goodies into the lining before flogging them off on eBay.
Don’t fret about getting caught – all charity shop workers still think we’re living in the mid-1970’s.
If one of them rumbles you, show her a Rubik’s cube and watch her cower in fear.


You can save on your gas and electric bills and rake in the cash by starting your own toddler farm.
Take in as many of the little buggers as you can fit into your house – by charging around £1.50 an hour, their parents will turn a blind eye to the fact that you’ve got 36 of them in your living room.
They’re constant bundles of energy and you should save a small fortune as they heat up your house with their frantic activity.
Plus you can sub-let them out to businessmen who can take them on train journeys and save cash by using a family railcard.

Young idiot with too much cash.
Young idiot with too much cash.

Making money out of footballers is like taking candy from a baby. A slow-witted baby who wears a tracksuit all day out of choice.
It’s easy to become an agent for a lower-league player. Just hang around the training ground at somewhere like Hartlepool and smoke a big cigar.
Within minutes, you can be sure that some bench-warming halfwit will come over and ask you if you’ll be his agent.
Get him to sign a contract pledging 10% of his dosh to you, then go home, watch Countdown and wait for the cheques to flood through the door.

TOPICS:   Economy

1 comment

  • Five B.
    [...] few days ago we suggested five possible jobs you could seek out to help bolster your flagging or non-existent wage packet during these times of [...]

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