Five MORE Top Jobs To Help Smash The Crunch

3 December 2008

A few days ago we suggested five possible jobs you could seek out to help bolster your flagging or non-existent wage packet during these times of economic flagellation.

The story was such a roaring success, with almost one comment left by you all, that we've come up with another five.

Sorry.

PAPER ROUND
Go old-school and strap on your hi-vis shoulder bag full of tomorrow’s fish and chip wrappers.
You’ll get some much-needed exercise, and you’ll get to read all of the day’s papers for free.
No one will complain if their paper’s late cos you’ve been sitting in the park reading it – they’ll assume you’re mentally challenged and might even give you a biscuit.

RESTAURANT DISH WASHER
Food prices are rising, but get yourself a job in a cheap and nasty restaurant and you could be dining out for free every night of the week.
Because of the credit crunch, these hovels will start filling up with punters who want to save a few quid.
Once they’ve realised that the grub tastes like shit, there’ll be plenty of half-eaten meals winging their way back to the kitchen, where you can heartily tuck in.
Be warned – you’ll need a strong stomach and most probably, a bucket.

STREET CLEANER
What a job! Spending your days at one with nature, healing your local environment and snuffling around for treasure
There’s gold in them there bins – food, tab ends and stuff accidentally chucked away by idiots. Mobile phones for example.
Plus, you’ll spend the whole day away from home so you won’t be lashing out cash on household energy.
On the downside, you’ll probably be seen as vermin by the public and will almost certainly get happy-slapped by some 11-year olds.

RENT BOY
Financial experts are always going on about the strength of the ‘pink pound’ and this could be a great way to nab yourself a slice of it.
Get down to your local park and hang around the gents dressed as Daffyd from Little Britain or the bloke out of The Rocky Horror Show.
It might not be what you’re used to but quick cash for some bum fun could see your earnings soar.
Don’t forget to put enough away to afford to start a new life somewhere far away for when the truth about your secret life inevitably comes out.

PROFESSIONAL COMPER
You can make a hefty extra income by spending every spare waking minute entering competitions.
Honestly, there’s a breed of people who make a tidy living from it – they call themselves compers. Or c***s for short.
There’s even dedicated websites for people who obsessively comp – sadtwat.co.uk is probably one of them.
Unfortunately, you’ll win stuff that you don’t need and can’t flog cos there’s a credit crunch and no one’s got any f***ing money.

TOPICS:   Economy

7 comments

  • Dan
    "Or c***s for short. There’s even dedicated websites for people who obsessively comp – sadtwat.co.uk is probably one of them. Unfortunately, you’ll win stuff that you don’t need and can’t flog cos there’s a credit crunch and no one’s got any f***ing money" Why bother using the words "cunts" and "fucking" if you are just going to censor them? It's a sorry state of affairs these days when people feel afraid to say what they actually mean on a blog. We KNOW that you meant "CUNTS!" and "FUCKING!" so why not just use the word? Don't use the excuses "but children might be reading" or "someone might get offended" because you have already used censored versions of the words so obviously aren't worried about using them in context. Either use profanity properly, or don't bother because otherwise, the writing here is going to end up looking like it was taken from The Sun newspaper. "Oooh look how edgy we are using CUNT! in our text but censoring it so the proles don't get offended."
  • Mike H.
    ^^ Shut the F**K up you C**T ^^
  • Fernando
    Could have been COCKS ?
  • Andy D.
    It was actually Clams.
  • Mike H.
    and FEEDING? :)
  • Andy D.
    Flaming actually. Flaming clams. Fucking bunch of flaming clams.
  • Mike H.
    Feed you, you clam !

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