HotUKDeals Of The Day - Thursday 11th December

11 December 2008

Robbie Williams  - now there’s a man in trouble. Bloated, bearded and a little bit too interested in UFOs, life in Los Angeles hasn’t been kind to the man we all knew and tolerated as Britain’s top cheeky chappy.

He’s now become so addled and confused that he’s jabbering on about wanting to rejoin Take That. Idiot. So, with the help of HotUKDeals, we’ve picked out a few gifts we’d like to send him to let him know that we care and understand. Even though we’re not actually in the slightest bit interested in him, his paunch and his recent, dismal attempts at ‘pop.’

Robbie’s undoubtedly a modern day showman, not to mention a prize irritant. Ideal qualifications for ownership of a unicycle if we’re not horribly mistaken.

So this is just the thing for him to show off on – although it’s smaller wheel size means it’s probably more suited for a child than a big fat bearded man like Robbie. What the hell – he can probably afford to hire a midget to ride around on it on his behalf.
(deal found by amibees)

Robbie’s a massive Port Vale supporter, but perhaps that’s the main source of his obvious misery (not the fact that the band he walked out on almost 15 years ago and now back and way, WAY bigger than he is). He should get himself along to Huddersfield Town to see what real suffering is.

The club are trying to entice supporters in by charging just £2 a ticket for their upcoming match against Hereford United on December 20th. If that doesn’t strike Robbie as being a fabtastic day out, then he’s clearly spent too long in the LA sunshine. We can’t make it – we’ve got a prior engagement, shaving Michael Winner’s back for him.
(deal found by The Chief)

Finally, bubble bath. It pains us to say this, but we’ve seen some recent snaps of Robbie and, to be blunt, he looks like a fucking tramp. What he needs is the comforting smell of some Matey bubble bath.

Pour it in the tub and within seconds, he’ll be transported back to the blissful happiness of his childhood. Slosh your hands around in the water and watch the cloud of bubbles grow and grow. Not that kind of sloshing Robbie. You filthy little alien hunter.
(deal found by GroggyNodBog)

1 comment

  • Mike H.
    Death to all bearded, fat, uni-cycle riding, stoopid wooly hat-wearin', Stoke accent toting, Port Vale supportin' ex boy band member cheeky feckin chappies! Hail the return of the swearing, can I have a go too you funding motherspongers? Shiv and lobbocks, someone keeps moderating my comments for swearing, flippin' winkers!

What do you think?

Connect with Facebook, Twitter, or just enter your email to sign in and comment.

Your comment