Bring On The Love With These Valentine Gifts

Here’s your Bitterwallet guide to those tricky last-minute Valentines Day gifts. Tricky in the sense that if you order one of these now, you’ve got next to no chance of getting it by Saturday. Hey ho…

FOR HIM: The Classic Video Game Tie. Now it can be said that there’s nothing cooler than a novelty tie. They just cry out ‘Wow, look at me everybody – I’m an individual with a keen sense of fun!’ Alternatively, it can also be said that there’s nothing more depressing than a novelty tie. They also cry out ‘Someone please take a spade to my neck, I am an attention-seeker who laughs at the end of every sentence I utter, irrespective of whether there was a joke there or not.’ Decide for yourselves – we’re not Jeff Banks.

FOR HER: Men – do you want your woman to reek of a huge room filled with dusty old books? Maybe you’ve got a fetish for ageing tomes or perhaps you accidentally got a glimpse of a lady librarian’s bare stomach once when she was reaching to put a biography of Idi Amin up on the top shelf. Either way, this Old Book perfume should help recreate that musty odour that haunts your dreams. Ghastly.

FOR ANYONE: The height of decadence – a lollipop that contains real and actual gold flakes and everything. Plus, it's champagne-flavoured! Yet somehow it only costs £3.50 – we’d have had a guess at a ballpark figure of £675. Top professional footballers probably gorge on these after a big match just for fun. Nothing says ‘I love you’ more than saying ‘I love you – now eat this because it’s got real bloody gold in it.’ Now let’s listen to Fat Larry’s Band, with 'Zoom'…


  • Martin
    Better to go for the Richard Whiteley C*UNT tie ...
  • -=Mike H.
    Wicked, so we can say things like SHI*T and BOLL*OCKS as long as we put a * in there somewhere thus giving a totally different meaning? Thats FUCK*ING mint!
  • Martin
    C*UNT = COUNT, as shown in the picture. Nothing rude there.

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