You're not fully dressed without a Bacon Tuxedo

Aftershave? Check. Condoms in the wallet? Check. Pristine undercrackers? Check. Clean socks on? Check. Elastic band around your doo-dah to give the impression of a fuller, engorged member? Check. You've cut your nails and washed your willy and nearly ready to bag yourself a super-hot lady. All you need to do now is practise your chat-up lines and put on your sexiest outfit.


As seen on Failblog, here's the answer to every single man's problems. From Stan's Formalwear, you can bag yourself a suit made of bacon. Well, presumably it's a suit that looks like it's made from bacon. Strut in sty-le and she'll be all over you like a rash-er. I'll kill myself now shall I?

Spotted by Bitterwallet devotee Orla


  • Nobby
    Why aren't comments working?
  • Nobby
    Google Archie McPhee, select Bacon and Meat. Loads of great bacon products. This is genuine. So no WTF IS DIS REAL.
  • Nobby
    Why does this story not mention an apple product? Here you go ...
  • SJT
    You've been had. "The Bacon Tuxedo Sucker Gift Box is the perfect prank for any occasion! Just put your real gift in the box, then sit back and watch as your victim feigns enthusiasm and offers an awkward "thank you" while looking at possibly the tackiest gift in history before finding their real gift inside."
  • Nobby
    @SJT take a look at the Archie McPhee site. Yes, you can buy the gift box for about $6. But you can also buy the suit for $100.
  • Tom P.
    I doubt you'd "pork" anything wearing one of those.
  • hdio
    @Tom Pickering I doubt you'd 'pork' anything with your puerile attitude toward sex.
  • Spark
    What the fuck? Honestly, who comes up with ideas like this?
  • Nobby
    > I doubt you’d “pork” anything wearing one of those. I don't know. Quite of few hotties like sucking pork scratchings.
  • hippy
    i doubt id get a nice lookin jewish girl with that suit on.
  • Brian
    Hi, my name is Brian. My stepfather says i'm not allowed to eat or wear pork, because it's not kosher and impure Thanks
  • Steve B.
    "smokedback mountain" I thank you.
  • Nobby
    > What the fuck? Honestly, who comes up with ideas like this? It would be ideal if you had to give a speech in Israel.
  • andy y.
    Don't do anything rash
  • Hugh J.
    I wear one of these to work with a white shirt.
  • Ajbiz
    It's actually an april fools , I'm gutted its not the real deal , should take the picture to Vietnam for the suit tailors to create!
  • Paul K.
    Coupon code for "lovebaron" it gets you 10% off. Do a search on Youtube for Baron Bob and watch the product demonstration videos, these guys are hilarious Check out the Bacon Lovers Basket
  • Bacon B.
    [...] just to recap, then – you can wear it as a suit, you can use it as a pouring syrup over any meal, it’s the perfect air freshener and of [...]

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