We really need... a hummingbird feeder you can wear on your stupid face
You can never get close enough to hummingbirds can you? They're so shy and retiring that its believed that they all congregate up Anne Widdicombe's minge (officially the loneliest place on Earth) so no-one bothers them.
So what is the best way of coaxing them out? Boiled ham? Lambert & Butler? A bag of Cheese Moments?
Nope, you need the (and I quote) "AWESOME! UNBELIEVABLE!" Wearable Hummingbird Feeder!
Basically, it's a face shield with a hummingbird feeder glued into it or something. That means, you can feed a hummingbird whilst it unfurls its hideously long tongue centimetres from your eyes.
If you want to buy one, or indeed, follow tediously detailed instructions on how to build your own... or watch a video of the Kendo Nagasaki gone wrong head in action, then click these differently coloured words.
And then move to a country that actually has some hummingbirds. Perhaps you could test it out on thrushes or women down the local with Apple Sourz in the feeder.