Sexy furniture could give you splinters in a tender place

Ever looked at a table leg and thought: "Hmmm. It's okay... but I wish it was more shapely."


Have you ever looked at a cupboard and thought: "I wish it looked more... aroused. Yeah. A stonking great lob-on is what it needs!"


Well, you won't be at all interested in this ornament thingy that looks like a naked woman posing for a Reader's Wives shoot that has tiny drawers that pop out of her tits and arse.

The site selling it says that it's "much more than an outstanding art piece". Aye, it's designed to make would-be murderers aroused first thing in the morning, sending them out into the world with raging erections and splinters in their nut-sacks after grimly violating the back-door.


Failing that, should this be bought by some Earth Mother type, who already has a house full of sculptures of the naked form and vulvae and the like, you can imagine the meek titters everytime she gets her car keys and says to her tree-surgeon husband: "I thought I'd lost my keys... but they were in the breasts all along! *wipes tear* Oh dear..."

Or, y'know, it's just a piece of furniture with nothing remarkable about it at all.



  • R K.
    Does it give you wood though?
  • DrTrouserPlank
    "Does it give you wood though?" Only if you polish it.
  • Jon
    If MFI were still around the self-assembly kits would presumably have a buttock left over after you'd put it together.
  • Mr G.
    Can't be art: it's recognisably human-shaped and doesn't incorporate any shit or dead animal parts. And most importantly Saatchi doesn't want to pay ludicrous amounts of money for it. Or am I just a traditionalist?
  • benny
    is that what's known as a chest of drawers

What do you think?

Your comment