Rolls Royce to investigate number of dirty protests

ornament2b The shit has hit the fan at a Rolls-Royce plant in South Gloucestershire as bosses are stumped over a series of dirty protests that have occurred at the factory.

Someone, and we're looking at that silver woman who stands on all the hoods of the cars, has been vandalising the building by smearing excrement all over the place.

Unnamed staff members confirmed that an inquiry had been launched and that a number of areas have been sealed off thanks to the crapola.

"They have had to close off areas that have been smeared with the stuff while it is cleaned up," said one worker. "I have worked here for several years and we have never had anything like this before."

While all this is the usual kind of thing you'd hear from a disgusted member of the public, there was a strange little twist to the tale.

"Whoever is doing this is revolting and disgusting but in a weird sort of way it has brought people together, we all want to see this stopped as soon as possible."

So there you have it. Rolls Royce staff, bonding over faeces.


  • jim b.
    shit happens
  • Ian
    Shit brings people together - just look at the comments section on Mof's articles.
  • fibbingarchie
    Just carry out some DNA testing, case solved.
  • Size M.
    @ fibbingarchie And match them against what? The police can't take samples without permission and, considering they can keep them forever, who in their right mind would give that? Offer a sample to clear you of crapping in a factory and you'd soon find yourself fitted up for the Brinks-Mat job. Another case cleared up, sarge.
  • Vishnu
    It's not possible to get DNA for shit.
  • Vishnu
  • Big M.
    ^or piss. Who thinks shit has DNA?
  • Big M.
    (of the shitter)
  • Tim
    Hoods? This is England, mate. It's a fucking bonnet.
  • Jack M.
    Nope it's a Fender ! And again I must ask.... Where the fuck is Lucy?
  • Dr T.
    This would be the Rolls Royce Defence Aerospace factory at Filton, which doesn't make cars, and in fact is a totally different company to Rolls Royce cars. They make engines for fighter jets so perhaps someone is protesting about the arms trade.
  • shiftynifty
    This is some serious shit...
  • ihateputtingnamesin
    You can get DNA from human excrement, it full of our old cells and DNA.

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