Rolls Royce to investigate number of dirty protests
Someone, and we're looking at that silver woman who stands on all the hoods of the cars, has been vandalising the building by smearing excrement all over the place.
Unnamed staff members confirmed that an inquiry had been launched and that a number of areas have been sealed off thanks to the crapola.
"They have had to close off areas that have been smeared with the stuff while it is cleaned up," said one worker. "I have worked here for several years and we have never had anything like this before."
While all this is the usual kind of thing you'd hear from a disgusted member of the public, there was a strange little twist to the tale.
"Whoever is doing this is revolting and disgusting but in a weird sort of way it has brought people together, we all want to see this stopped as soon as possible."
So there you have it. Rolls Royce staff, bonding over faeces.