Hemel Hempstead is the ugliest town in Britain

It seems unfair that Hemel Hempstead, home of the first purpose-built multi storey car park in Britain, should be named the UK’s most unattractive town. But in a survey run by the website Crap Towns Returns, it seems that Hemel is even worse than its close rival Luton.


3000 people took part in the survey, the results of which will form the next book in the Crap Towns series, which is published in October. Hemel Hempstead was a clear winner, with 785 votes. In second place was Luton, with 592, and coming in third was bewitching Slough, with a respectable 352.

Crap Towns was first published in 2003, and has laid waste to several of UK’s towns and cities, including Hull and Cumbernauld.

But Hemel boasts several stunning high points, including a nice church and a shop that was once opened by Benny Hill. Roger Moore lived there in the 60s. It also has a McDonalds.

However, Crap Towns author Sam Jordison was unrepentant: ‘I know exactly why Hemel did so well in the poll.’ He said. ‘I've been there once. And once was more than enough.’


  • Joe
    I worked in Hemel. How the fuck it's the ugliest town in the country is beyond me, it has a long, long way to go to be as awful as some of the concrete abominations there are around the country. Clearly all voted on by Herts people who hate where they live but can't be fucked to move.
  • Sawyer
    I've also worked in Hemel, and while there's nothing particularly great about it, there are far worse places. Indeed, Slough in 3rd is an obvious example (although this too is not the worst). Crap Towns could do better.
  • barry f.
    Ever been to Port Talbot?....fuck me what a shithole!
  • badger
    Can't be any worse than Leicester, surely?
  • Jeeves
    The town centre doesn't even have a McDonald's
  • shiftynifty
    Having a mcdonalds will actually make you a shit town/area...I would keep that quiet
  • Jeebus
    Worse than Widnes? That's hard to believe.
  • Chewbie
    Wat Da Fuk is did real? Flex wit da erb!
  • jim
    i live in slough - 3rd place sounds about right
  • Kapitein Z.
    This isn't real.
  • andy
    it's gotta be London surely, over a thousand fucking eyesores in Westminster alone!
  • james d.
    yeah port talbot probably should win
  • james d.
    or maybe newport
  • jake
    Wat u onabout hemel hemsted is ugley its the nicest part of London so keep youre mouth shut about Hemelhemsted.....
  • Jake
    Out of all the places you Call London ugly.

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