Breast-feeding doll, yours if you want such a thing

14 November 2012

Children's dollies are consistently weird things. They have ones that shit themselves and ones like 'Cricket' who waddle around, telling you jokes and never once blinking.

And a new doll on the market, which has the Daily Mail's knickers in a twist (showcasing the wonderful word 'Breastapo'), is The Beast Milk Baby.

The Mail goes on about the "unspoken criticism from 'friends'" about the fact the writer has "chosen not to breastfeed my child." And of course, this doll is just the latest thing to 'brainwash' us all into thinking breast is best. Unsurprisingly, they call it "repulsive and disquieting on many levels."

This doll enables children to play at breastfeeding, which granted, is a bit weird. For a start, why would a little kid want to make-believe a scenario which involves sore, cracked nipples?

The toy has a bib that comes with it featuring flower 'nipples' and then, when you attach the doll to it, it makes sucking noises. Then you have to burp it. Because there's nothing like tedium to make children go nuts! Seriously. Get into robots and dinosaurs. Raising children is about as exciting as hanging washing up.

Either way, this doll is clearly a propaganda tool from the Breastapo, so toy makers should balance things out by making a Baby Formula, a dolly that cries at the sight of tits.



  • james
    seeing as almost every other doll comes with a bottle I don't see the problem with having one that focuses on breastfeeding instead. In the propaganda wars between natural feeding and companies trying to sell formula milk it's hardly a balanced battle is it? Besides we all know that The Mail are cnuts, so it's usually safe to believe the exact opposite of whatever shite they are pumping out.
  • james
    breastfed children usually play pretend games with their teddies, pretending to feed them anyway, so if anything I'd say this isn't needed because kids will play the game naturally anyway without the need for a special dolly. My son helps his toy baby lizard feed from the mummy lizard which is adorable rather than disturbing (ignoring for the moment the fact that lizards don't suckle their young!)
  • Marky M.
    Perhaps they could follow it up with an adult perv version that likes to dress up in huge nappies and shit in them so they can be changed.
  • catweazle
    Marky Mark - They already have, it's called Parliament.
  • neil
    "And a new doll on the market, which has the Daily Mail’s knickers in a twist (showcasing the wonderful word ‘Breastapo’), is The Beast Milk Baby." Do foxes count as beasts?

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