Is this the most pretentious thing ever?
Everyone hates pretentious stuff, but sometimes, you can put up with it because you get to drink nice wine or eat wonderful food as a result. If people want to get all lovie about it while you stuff your face, then fine.
However, sometimes, it goes way, way beyond. You think wine experts are a pain in the hole? Wait until you read the flowery prose of a Water Sommelier.
Spotted by Sophie Gadd, the water sommelier says that "the most important role for water during a meal is to perfectly complement the taste experience", which means drinking glacéau smartwater, which according to their own website, is "vapor-distilled" and "inspired by the clouds".
You can read the rest for yourself, but please don't blame us if you end up kicking yourself out of a window in frustration and horror. We're all just going to have to get used to the fact that there are people in the world who are paid to match your water with food.
You'll notice though, that Arno Steguweit is Europe's "only water sommelier" and that, thus far, they're only offering one brand, almost like they're sponsored.
Feel free to appoint yourself the world's only special brew sommelier.