Why some product reviews are as valuable as a chocolate fireguard

Bitterwallet - Ciao logoUser generated content is a wonderful thing; websites and the like receive their content for free, while contributors feel they're adding to the greater good. Whether the third party in this circle - the passive consumer - finds any value in the content, is quite another matter.

We draw your attention to Ciao!, Microsoft's price comparison site, and this unbelievably detailed review... of a bag of Minstrels. The author is a faultless investigator, and leaves no stone unturned in discovering the truth:

The most common packet of Minstrels is the 42g packs. Each packet contains close to 16 Minstrels (I have actually found one less, or one extra in various cases). They can be found in Newsagents and local supermarkets for about 35 pence to the price of 45 pence. 10 pence difference - so look out for those deal prices!

Good grief.

The new wrappers look quite 'classy' in some respects. It is mainly a deep chocolatey brown and looks smooth and silky. A white text with a hint of brown spells the word 'MINSTRELS' in the centre of the packet. To the top left, a small Galaxy logo is present, thus now naming these: Galaxy Minstrels. Scattered around the packet are the images of deep brown Minstrels, with their shells shining slightly. To the bottom right is an example of a bitten Minstrel!

Shit the bed.

The bag opens easy enough, it's just like opening a bag of crisps up. Once opened up, you can smell the sensational smell of Galaxy chocolate.Each Minstrel has a crisp chocolatey shell. You can also smell the sweetness from the sugar glazed shells.

Minstrels are about an inch in diameter. A minstrel is the same shape as a Smartie. Minstrels are bigger than average Smarties however (unless compared to giant smarties, where they are about the same).

Go to the pub, for crying out loud.

I have only ever had one problem with these - this was many years ago when the Minstrels tasted very strange and horrible. But don't let that put you off.

We won't. Actually, it's quite wonderful that somebody would care so much to focus their energies on an entirely unnecessary product review. Make time in your day to read the rest of the reviews by the same author - KP Chocolate Dips, for instance:

You will see white chocolate smothered on the underside of the foil lid as you peel it off, and you may want to lick it off.

Now, what's this...!? Inside you will see that the carton is split in to 2 compartments down the middle. The other half is chocolate. One half a sections holding roughly 10 stick like biscuits, less than an inch wide. Hum, that means we should have about a compartment of chocolate that reaches to the bottom of the carton then! Right!? Wrong!

It really is the gift that keeps giving.


  • KingConspiracy
    hahahaha! Nicely done Paul, enjoyable read :)
  • Joanne
    Seriously though, if someone was willing to pay me to do this job I'd do it...
  • Mr P.
    "The author is an faultless investigator" WTF!! since when is 'F' a vowel?
  • Junkyard
    Paul wrote "asshole" originally, and only replaced it with "faultless investigator" on a later revision.
  • elizabeth j.
    Although I'll admit that was a particularly over the top one - and there are a fair few of those on ciao - that guy hasn't written any reviews for 5 years!!! And the Minstrels one is 4 years old. You might be interested to know that ciao reviewers ARE paid for their reviews so that's why you get very in detail reviews about everything - and Microsoft only actually bought ciao very recently - it was a whole different company before...

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