Tesco Carvery MADNESS

6 August 2013

Tesco has gone diversification mad and this time they’ve got their eye on that most sacred of British traditions – the Sunday roast. Tipping the world of the Great British carvery on its very axis, Tesco are opening a new family restaurant at their Coventry Arena Extra store next week.


It’s called Decks. Why? Well, it’s all so high concept that I’m not sure you’ll understand, but I’ll try to explain. The decks refer to various food areas, so there’s a breakfast deck, a carving deck and a pastry deck. (Like a service station.)

Described as ‘real’ and ‘wholesome’ food, it promises to be a pile ‘em high, sell ‘em cheap family meat and carb fest. There are salads and sandwiches available too, but whatever. Most importantly, they sell BOOZE.

This is definitely a smack in the (lamb) chops for Harvester and Toby carveries, who have been providing Britain with strangely unfulfilling gravy-based Sunday buffet dinners for years.

If the first branch of Decks - which offers a chicken, beef, pork or gammon roast dinner for just £5.50 - is a success, other branches will be rolled out across the country. Unlike Giraffe and Harris and Hoole, Decks is Tesco’s first 100% owned restaurant venture.

So could Tesco usher the murky, Oxo-cubed world of the family carvery into the 21st Century? Will it bring the Harvester to its knees? Well, the proof will be in the Yorkshire pudding. And if it takes off, every family in Britain could soon be Decking it every Sunday.

Let's just hope they've installed a defibrillator.

Mmm, pastry deck. *Homer face*


  • Daisy D.
    "Real food"?
  • Mustapha S.
    Is there anyone or anything you don't hate or spout out shite against, Lucy?
  • HW
    You are incredibly cynical, Lucy. Somone please put her out of her Bitterwallet misery and show her the door.
  • Nikey H.
    Thanks Lucy.
  • Spencer
    Great Story Lucy
  • JonB
    @HW "You are incredibly cynical, Lucy" So you came to a website called BITTERwallet and expected optimistic posts then...?
  • Captain.Cretin
    I am rather worried that this comes out the day after the worlds first lab grown burger is eaten in public. Is that REALLY a gammon steak, or was it grown out the back???
  • Dick
    Can you go in pyjamas? I see Sunday panning out. Get up at 11am, off to tesco for breakfast at the Decks. Have a wash in their washroom, and spend a couple of hours wandering around aimlessly in store, back to Decks for sunday roast. Couple more hours in store, maybe pick up some tins of beans and some cheap lager before going home for sunday dinner (beans and lager). Off to bed.
  • B. O.
    Lucy, you sound so Bitter. What are you doing working at....oh, wait..
  • Zeddy
    Oooooooh! They were so close with the name.
  • HW
    Fuck... just read the name of this website. My mistake. Lucy/JonB/B. Obvious- Keep up the great work.
  • shiftynifty
    So fat fuckers grab their shopping ...then go and sit and eat shit...great
  • fibbingarchie
    ^^Some fat fuckers even sit while they're grabbing their shopping thanks to the fat-fuck-scrambler...ahem, sorry...Mobility Scooter. The fat fuckers!
  • shiftynifty
    Yeah...can just see a gang of mobility scooter fat rats meeting in decks....oh what jollity....full english will go down a storm
  • Tribalgeoff
    Dear Lucy, Anyone who has a problem with Tesco's is alright by me.

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