Get pilled up with Dr Nutt

12 November 2013

Lovely alcohol is all very well, until the morning after. So former government advisor and general mad professor David Nutt has invented a pill that gives you all the falling down, slurring, idiotic pleasure of drinking, without the bad head in the morning.


So instead of guzzling 25 Jagermeisters in a bar full of hotties, you can just pop one pill and lurch around the town centre like a dying baboon. The pill works on the pleasure centres of the brain just like alcohol, but it’s OK - Professor David has also perfected an ANTIDOTE PILL, so you can just reset your drunk head to sober and drive home, feeling like a king.

The controversial Prof Nutt, who looks like the manager of a struggling football club at the bottom of the Calor Gas League, has called on the government to fund his research and says the drug could be made into cocktails – and it’s ok –he’s tesshted it on himsshelf! (hic!)

‘I’ve done the prototype experiments myself,' he said, laughing maniacally and blowing some smoke off the top of bubbling green test tube. ‘I’ve been inebriated and then it’s been reversed by the antagonist. That’s what really gave us the idea. There’s no question that you can produce a whole range of effects like alcohol by manipulating the brain.’

But alcohol support groups say that it would be swapping one addictive substance which makes us behave appallingly, for another.

Also, even if Prof Nutter gets funding, is a boring pill really going to compete with the fun of drinking tasty drinks all night, going to the toilet 52 times and throwing up in your shoe?


  • Dosser
    Yer my best mate Lucy. I love you. No, I really do. You're ace.
  • jim
    oh lucy... he said it wasnt going to be a pill. i like prof Nutt - he talks sense and wants some drugs legalised as they are harmless. big up yerself

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