Clowntown Birthday Showdown

What kind of monster goes into a children’s play centre brandishing a birthday cake and then starts singing ‘Happy Birthday’ to their daughter and her friends?

That monster is heating engineer Colm Doherty. He recently spent £300 on entry fees, food and drink at Clowntown Children’s Centre in Muswell Hill, only to be told by staff that he couldn’t sing Happy Birthday or bring in a cake because he hadn’t paid for their special party package.


Mr Doherty had contacted the centre beforehand to arrange a party for his 8 year old daughter Cara, but was told there was no availability. So he decided to go anyway – cos it’s a free country, innit? When he spotted that one of their party booths was free, he asked a member of staff whether they could use it – and they said yes. But he didn’t realise that nothing is free in CLOWNTOWN.

‘When the cake came out you could sense a bit of nervous tension among the staff, and one particular lady came storming down and told us that we could not sing and to put the cake away,’ Mr Doherty said.

Mr Doherty shielded his child from the jobsworth woman and told her to go away. But Clowntown’s chief idiot and manager Ian Slazenger claimed Doherty was being aggressive, and said that it was their policy that ‘you don’t celebrate a birthday party on our premises unless it is the package you obtain’. Then he called the POLICE.

Never mind that Mr Doherty actually paid more than the birthday package, and they didn’t even eat the birthday cake on the premises. What a bunch of (literal) clowns. The manager is lucky Mr Doherty didn't shove a bouncy castle up his arse and start inflating it with a bike pump.


  • Zeddy
    Don't feed the troll.
  • Terry
    I'm on Clown Towns side.
  • Alex
    Lucy Pussy
  • Bungle2000
    Yeah, burn clown town down....oh wait, the father said he wanted a free birthday tent and promised he wouldn't celebrate a birthday or get a cake out while inside it...hang on.
  • badger
    Hanging's too good for any of them, especially heating engineers in this weather.
  • shiftynifty
    manager Ian Slazenger ....As cheap as his clothing name...douchebag....Colin your the man!!!!!!
  • Kevin
    '.So he decided to go anyway – cos it’s a free country, innit?' Not when you are going into a companies premises.
  • Captain W.
    ^ Unless that company willingly lets you in when you pay their entrance fee
  • Big M.
    £300? Daft cunt.
  • Spencer
    this is an outrage!!! I shall be lobbying my MP - I urge you to do the same. also foxes and da 'erb etc..
  • fibbingarchie
    Clown Doherty, if you don't like the rules don't go there. How would you like it if Manager Slazenger turned up at your house and wanted to shag your wife without an appointment AND without paying?
  • Jan C.
    Hey how about the kids' feelings in all this? Dad decides he will shell out a good deal of dosh for the kids, and goes there probably because the girl wanted this as her treat and didn't want to disappoint her. With me so far? So, they go with cake and having spent £300 feel it won't be that awkward to produce cake, light candles and sing said song. Reasonable? Have Clowntown lost money? No, he's paid £300, more than their 'package', and anyway they hadn't any space for the package apparently (so how was the booth empty ....? Hmmm). The question is, for all the sourfaces above, if you were a Dad in that situation, would YOU expect that reaction? What's this about customer satisfaction? Is he behaving badly before the intervention? Not that we're told. So the ante is raised by Mr Slazenger who seems to have behaved rather poorly from accounts I have read. If he'd been any sort of decent bloke, he would have had a gentle word on the side with the Dad and asked him not to do it again, sorry company rules etc. He forgot the first rule of the place = happy kids not clowntown dignity or whatever. Not to distress the kids at a birthday party for one of them. I expect Dad got a bit aerated, natural enough given the confrontation in front of his kid and her friends. I would have been incredulous that someone would do that. Was ClownTown within its rights? Who damn well cares, common sense and decency went out of the window. Were the kids upset afterwards? Well done Mr S, happy bonus or whatever you get. Yes £300 is a lot, it's a free country, so next time I'm sure Dad will exercise his choice and I don't think kids will pressure him to go there again anytime soon. By the way, maybe the idea used for many years by restaurants unwilling to go through licencing rigmarole, of charging 'corkage' to customers bringing in their own wine could have been improvised - 'cake-age', a small charge so said cake to be brought in. Loadsa-sense. I suspect Dad would have gone with that, especially if, again, handled discreetly. "Look sir, I'm the last one to spoil your lovely daughter's special day, there is a company policy, BUT I'm sure we can handle this nicely if we, say, ask you to pay a small charge for bringing the cake in - how about a fiver?" Dad won't rail against that, even if not happy. Job done! And he learns lesson. Finally, back to that booth. How come it was empty? How come staff member let him use it? Answer please.
  • RA B.
    fibbingarchie In a similar case, it wouldn't need an appointment, and he was paying for the service of the manager's wife. The super-room was empty, so he asked to go in there and produced his own blow-up singing first-aid resuscitation doll. Tut tut. And he paid over the odds anyway.
  • badger
    @ Jan Cosgrove Please don't visit this site again. Nobody on here really cares about the story, it's just another vehicle for the usual crowd to rant on about nonsense and/or to slag each other/the author off. Plus you can spell and form paragraphs. You'd hate it here, honestly you would.
  • Teddy E.
    We cook all our clowns from scratch.
  • Zeddy
    It would also help badger if we knew ALL the facts not just allegation and polarised viewpoints. You'll not get that here.
  • Liliana
    Did any of you see the interview on ITV? What a joke! the girl said SHE HAD FUN! Looks like daddy is just trying to get something out of it? Refund...? (I bet you it wasn't really £300... we all know that if it was, he would SHOW the receipt(!) The girl had FUN! Bottom line. HAD FUN! No more clowns in clowntown!
  • blagga
    "your the man" "into a companies premises" excellent grammar from the proles, as ever.
  • Sporky M.
    blagga, such an angry man.
  • steve
    clown town is great for kids they love it there, its a place for kids to explore and have fun, my kids love it end of
  • steve
    Did any of you see the interview on ITV? What a joke! the girl said SHE HAD FUN! Looks like daddy is just trying to get something out of it? Refund…? (I bet you it wasn’t really £300… we all know that if it was, he would SHOW the receipt(!) The girl had FUN! Bottom line. HAD FUN! No more clowns in clowntown!
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