Calling customer services - roaring, dating and Albert Einstein

30 April 2010

Bitterwallet - Albert EnsteinWhenever we call customer services, invariably our conversation may be "recorded for training or monitoring purposes". A business called HyperQuality is in the business of improving business for other businesses, by monitoring these recordings, assessing and analysing them. Here's some of the shizzle they've heard on their tapes:

Routinely, after a customer is notified that the call may be recorded for quality purposes, but before the agent arrives on the line, we receive an insightful glimpse into:

Multitasking
A substantial number of customers use this time for a bio break; usually a toilet can be heard flushing around the time the agent answers the call.

Psyching up
Prior to the agent joining the call, many customers rehearse their arguments, and audibly elevate their blood pressures, in preparation for unloading their frustrations with a company's products, services or policies.

Improvising
Some customers choose to use this time to sing to themselves, often improvised songs involving the name of the company with which they are about to engage.

And once the call begins, all manner of dialogue and diatribe have been observed between company and customer:

Anger mismanagement
In a recent tech support call, a customer was very upset. She was yelling and at one point said "I hope those people are listening in!" The agent said "Yes, madam, the call may be monitored." The customer then replied "Good, I hope they hear this," and then she proceeded to growl loudly into the phone. She concluded "THAT is how mad I am."

Dating services
In this digitally-enabled world of anonymity a number of calls turn into attempts at romantic encounters. Frequent offers to meet up, to talk offline and to take exotic trips together have become somewhat routine in the interactions between service representative and customer. This is despite the clear statement at the beginning of the conversation that the calls are recorded for quality purposes and also that much of a customer's information is known to the agent by the conclusion of the call.

Scenes from beyond
A customer shared with a representative that he had recently died for several minutes, and during his time in "the great beyond" he had a chance to meet with Albert Einstein. It remains unclear how this impacted the customer service experience, but both agent and customer remained serious and focused throughout the dialogue.

[Seattle PI]

TOPICS:   Consumer Advice

5 comments

  • Richard
    Hahaha, best bitterwallet story ever...
  • Brian
    Hi, my name is Brian. I spoke to a lady from British Gas yesterday (to complain about my mums gas bill). I said i wanted to give her a shag (engage in pleasurable sexual intercourse) and she put the phone down.
  • Mr G.
    Lezzer, Brian. Definite lezzer.
  • wonky h.
    You should stick to bumming foxes.
  • Lawerence V.
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