Brits lie about what massive alkies they are

27 February 2013

When your GP asks you how much you drink, what do you say? Do you break down and tell them that on the way there you had 2 litres of Malibu and a lighter fluid chaser? Or do you just breezily say: ‘The usual, really. About 14-21 units a week’ while trying to hide your DTs?

Researchers at University College London (who are probably constantly off their tits on port), compared alcohol sales figures with surveys of what people said they drank. And GUESS WHAT? There were a hell of a lot of cans of Tennent’s Super unaccounted for. Basically, they've found us out for the nation of drunk, indolent liars we really are.

The rather wholesomely named Sadie Boniface, who is leading the University College study, said: "Currently we don't know who consumes almost half of all alcohol in England.’

Ooh, I dunno, either.


TOPICS:   Consumer Advice   Restaurants


  • Han S.
    “Currently we don’t know who consumes almost half of all alcohol in England.’ Maybe it's the Scots on daytrips?
  • Alexis
    I don't understand how they can work it out. They'll know 500 million cans have been sold, but will only have data from something like 1 million people. Unless you've been in hospital or your GP has asked, nobody will have asked you. And even if you have been asked, massive assumptions are made because nobody knows how much a unit is, and most people don't drink the exact same amount every sodding week.
  • chewbacca
    @Handy Hobo So... What you're saying is that the Scots need a drink the minute they get into Nigel land in order to cope with how utterly fucking shit it is? Either that or its because they can't believe their fucking eyes at the amount of immigrants everywhere and need a drink to settle to their nerves.
  • Dr Z.
    Chewie, all this aggressiveness is not good for you. If the twat is itching, try not to scratch it. I find raiding a dumpster to be very soothing.
  • Han S.
    @chewspacka How utterly fucking shit it is? You ever been to Dundee?
  • Phuck Y.
    Surely it's alchies? Unless of course, you are referring to how negatively acid they are?
  • Sicknote
    @Han Solo Thanks for those sage words One of the young sprogs working in the derivatives risk management team of my office collapsed at work on Tuesday morning after a mid-week session - a fucking Scotsman he was. Last week on the 18:35 train from Waterloo to Weymouth a shaved orangutan sitting in first class carriage without a ticket and telling the guard to "pick a shoe and let's see if your back fanny can untie laces...."; another fucking Scotsman. Send the drunk bastards home and life will be far better for us.
  • Nelmer
    @Chewbacca Everyone drinks more when they're on holiday. It reminds them how crap their lives really are.
  • chewbacca
    @shitnote et al Let me reiterate for the hard of thinking: The reason we Scots drink are many: 1. Our weather is shit. 2. We're ruled by tory wankers. Even if we weren't, we'd be ruled by Salmond and his cronies who are even bigger wankers. 3. When we go to England, we need think we're on holiday as it feels like a foreign country with all the fucking immigrants. 4. You English have the whiniest, shittiest, most utterly ridiculous accents, we need to self medicate to stop us beating the shit out of you. 5. We worry about you all being too thick to accept our banknotes, so when we find somewhere that accepts them, we fill our boots. There's many more reasons, but fuck it, I'm off for a drink

What do you think?

Your comment