Kelloggs destroy Special K
Curvaceous ladies in red swimming costumes will be weeping into their cereal bowls at the news that Kelloggs have sneakily changed their Special K recipe – and it’s Krap.
For the first time in 30 years, the flavourless low fat rice wheat flakes have been tampered with, and they’re even worse than before. ‘THE FLAKES ARE TOO HARD’, wailed one consumer on the Special K Facebook page. ‘Is it true they’re going to rename Special K, ‘Not-so-Special K’?’ enquired another, displaying a devastating Wildean wit worthy of any Victorian literary salon.
But Kelloggs are disregarding the new K haters, saying that their recipe testing went over well in Europe, and that a new generation of weight conscious ladies will learn to enjoy it over time. After all, it's not like anyone eats it for fun.
The reason for the recipe change is to revive sales, which have fallen by 11.4%. Even so, Britain buys a staggering £97.2 million pounds worth of Special K every year, so if they think people aren’t going to notice, they're very much mistaken.
By including barley and baking the sugar onto the outside of the flakes, I have tasted this ‘new’ imposter Special K, and can say with absolute certainty that Kelloggs have ballsed it up. Will they get out of this K-hole and change it back? Or shall we just start eating something edible for breakfast instead?