Apple battered by iPhone lawsuits and angry emails

2 July 2010

Bitterwallet - plush Steve Jobs

We’ve all heard of the well-worn phrases ‘He who waits is great’ and ‘Time loves a hero’ but they haven’t got anything to do with this story. We’ve also all heard the well-worn phrase ‘Where there’s a hit, there’s a writ’ and you can add this one (about the iPhone 4) to the list – ‘When there’s a hit, and the hit is shit, there’s a deluge of writs.’

That’s what’s happening in the United States Of A, as disgruntled customers realise that they can’t get a decent reception on their new phone when they do something as stupid as, er, hold the thing. At least four different lawsuits have been launched against Apple regarding the reception issue, with the possibility that they’ll all be merged into a class action suit.

Meanwhile, a series of emails that were supposedly written by Jobsie and an enraged iPhone user have been outed as fakes. So we've made up our own fake exchange with the big man….

Customer: I assume there is no fix then. If this is legit, I have lost all respect for Apple... All our co-workers with Androids are just mocking us right now... This is just sickening.

Jobs: Calm down. Imagine I'm giving you a shoulder massage. There - right under the blades. You like that, yes?

Customer: I am really insulted… What arrogance... I just had dinner with 3 people who had iPhone 4s we all cant make calls without dropping. There is no rumors it is reality.

Jobs: Mmmmmmm, send me a picture of yourself. One where you don't wear a shirt. I bet you're ripped. Do you have any tattoos? Show them to me. Show them to Jobsie.

Customer: Stop with jackass comments. I have has every iphone made. They all had a bad signal but this is the so much worse X3.

Jobs: OMG! Are you as turned on by this as I am?

The Apple is bruised people. We repeat, the Apple is bruised!


  • eddiex
    Maybe I'm a miserable old cunt but I just don't get this apple thing,just like I don't get cushions,curtains and duvet covers.Real men use big fuck off PC's with the side off that sound like a lawnmower.
  • rolly
    I like Apple because i like yesteryears technology, makes me feel all nostalgic to have a core2duo instead of an i7
  • me
    I like Apple because I am gay and I am afraid to assume it... oops I did it! I am going to buy a decent Pink laptop now! LOL
  • GigerPunk
    This may be a silly idea and I don't know if anyone's thought of it so far, but why don't these iphone owners just paint over the areas they're not supposed to be touching with something non-conductive, like clear nail varnish? Being apple owners, they no-doubt have some, be they male or female. Seems like a simple fix to me (apart from maybe buying a working phone instead) And if they don't have nail varnish they could always use sellotape or gaffer/duct tape but thought the nail varnish option would be quite neat and solve the conductivity problem?
  • dai
    Apple... if Fisher Price made PCs and phones.
  • Andy
    Argh, where is that Link doll from? I love it!
  • Joanne
    I have an android therefore I am cool
  • Jonny S.
    "Show them to me. Show them to Jobsie." Love it!
  • Jimbob
    As much as I also hate the iphone and apple products, I can't ever seem to get a decent signal on my HTC Desire from T-Mobile (I thought '3' were bad!) and I live and work in and around Central London, so I might as well carry a brick instead, it's prob just as helpful, but restricts the amount of times I can check my gmail.

What do you think?

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