How to build a smashing Christmas tree
So you're a stinking alcoholic who, assuming you could actually stand, couldn't stagger out the front door to buy a Christmas tree, because it's buried behind dozens of empty beer bottles. In the words of Professor Hubert J. Farnsworth... good news!
Just in time for Christmas Day - your very own beer bottle Christmas tree! Think of the children's smiling faces when they see Daddy wasn't too smashed to remember Christmas after all, then witness their screaming horror as you drunkenly stumble into it and lacerate every inch of your sweating flesh. Merry Christmas kids!