Christmas costs £445 each. Bargain.

It's the 26 November. That means there is exactly one month until the Christmas shenanigans are over for another year. That’s right, in 30 short days from now, you will be several hundred pounds lighter, but sorted for socks, bath salts and ties. Falalalalalalalalala.

A new survey has discovered that we will, on average spend £445 each in the season of goodwill, which is actually 1.8% higher than last year. Must be inflation. Also, 35-54 year olds plan to splash the most cash, at £491 per head, beating the over 55s by almost £70. There is also a regional spread of yuletide generosity, with the most money being spent by those in the North East and Wales, and the least by those tight-fisted sorts in the East Midlands. Seventy-three  per cent of people anticipate spending most of their Christmas budget on presents, with parents planning a £132 haul per child. The old lady who lives in a shoe is being talked down from the roof as we speak.

In fact, almost half (47 per cent) of the parents surveyed said they feel under pressure to spend more than they can afford on their children and a third (34 per cent) said they are prepared to spend whatever it takes to give their children a happy Christmas. The price of satsumas and a couple of lumps of coal must have really gone up recently.

Still, things can’t be that bad. Thirty-two per cent of us are planning to purchase a present for a pet this Christmas, spending on average £7.85 on extra treats for an animal who has no idea about omniscient beings or their offspring, nor what day it is, and who very definitely are not going to buy you a present back. Get real people.

Still, with only one payday left (or two if your employer takes pity on you and pays you early in December just so he/she can watch you squirm in the last week of a very long January) until the big day, better hope you’ve got some savings to pay for it all. Or go and sell something expensive on eBay*…


*eBay rules prohibit you actually selling your children on eBay, even if you know you could buy them back for half the price in January. Other online selling sites are available.


  • Chewbacca
    Note the suprisingly low figure for London. Surprising, until you realise that most of the folks that live there don't celebrate Christmas.
  • Alexis
    Doesn't the East Midlands house a large non-Christian population?
  • Jammo
    That's why i love Wales. No need to worry about feeling you are in a foreign country.
  • kv
    of course the figure for Liverpool is £0.00
  • Chewbacca
    @Alexis As much,proportionally, as Londonistan?
  • Me
    The lower figures for the south/London are probably because the cost of living is so bloody high here. For the £875 my 1 bed flat costs to rent per month down here I could probably rent a mansion up north...
  • faz
    @Me. You're right there. I'm £650 for a 3 bedroom house with large garden and private drive in Scotland. And that's expensive compared to out of town sites and very expensive compared to social housing. It's only single mothers, people with "substance abuse" problems and Poles that get the latter though. Less than £300 a month for a brand new 3 bedroomed house that ends up getting wrecked by the fuckers they put in them.
  • Darren
    @Me/faz but also you have the wage difference to compensate the different in cost for housing. down here in London we all earn millions, whereas up north they are paid in penny's usually fake ones too...
  • Chewbacca
    @Darren You almost had me believeing you, until you said "penny's". You fucking cretin.
  • Avon B.
    @ Chewbacca "believeing"? Really? Who's the cretin?
  • Darren
    @Chewbacca Sorry my PA can not speel very bad.

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