Best and worst Christmas adverts of 2013
Every year, companies throw stupid amounts of money at their marketing teams in a bid to get noticed above everyone else. Usually, this comes in the form of television adverts. Sometimes, they can be really good. Mostly, they're pretty dreadful.
With that, let us look at the best and worse of 2013's Christmas adverts.
The Range - Turkeys shooting lasers out of their eyes. What's not to like?
Sainsbury's - Children being weird and stupid is what makes Christmas ace. The last kid screaming "SANTAZBIN! SANTAZBIN!" is a true reflection of how funny Christmas morning can be.
Harvey Nichols - Well done to Harvey Nichols for being the only retailer with the nerve to acknowledge that the best Christmas stuff is the presents you buy yourself.
K-Mart - Can you hear the Christmas bells ringing?
Aldi - Well done Aldi. This is surprisingly funny.
John Lewis - 'The Bear and The Hare' is one of the most saccharine, cloying bits of televisiual nonsense ever broadcast. Lily Allen weakly warbles through a sodding Keane song while an animation shows a bear NOT eating every other animal in sight. What's the point?
Marks & Spencer - Take a pinch of Tim Burton and a dash of the 'Free As A Bird' video that The Beatles did, mix it with some Victorian attitude and what do you have? This dreck.
Tesco - Someone tell Tesco that, if you're going to artificially age some actors, it might be a good idea to spend a bit more money on your make-up team or else you just end up with two actors looking exactly like themselves, only, they've been in the bath a bit too long in a terrible wig.
Macy's - One Direction star in Macy's advert and... well...
AND THE ABSOLUTE PITS
KFC - KFC's musical number is so unbearable that it should be dragged into a public square and flogged. Then kicked up the arse for eternity. Then have its face forced into a deep fat fryer. Then made to thrash itself until there's little more than a dirty stain on the floor. Then set on fire.