Bah, humbug! Mystery man plans end to Christmas in Summer
If we were 87 year-old Denis Norden, we'd say that next is a story to file under "about bastard time, too" - although Norden wouldn't say bastard, unless he'd had a very large glass of gin: a shadowy organisation named the Movement for the Containment of Christmas is threatening shopkeepers who dare to slip into the Yuletide spirit too early.
Four businesses in Leeds have received letters warning them not to sell Christmas cards before November and a charity shop in Headingly has had its locks glued. Police have confirmed they are investigating the letters as well as mysterious phonecalls received by staff and hooded characters caught on CCTV posting the letters, which read:
MOVEMENT FOR THE CONTAINMENT OF XMAS
This is a very polite but very serious reminder not to display Xmas cards until 1st Nov.
We will put superglue in your locks if you do.
Peace and goodwill
(The MIND shop got done on Sunday)
Genius. Either it's an individual concerned at the continued commercialisation of Christ's birth, an outraged Bitterwallet reader or a just a regular mentalist. Either way, we're secretly with them on this one, aren't we? If it's you, get in touch and tell us whether you're likely to start scooping the organs out of prostitutes next. We'd quite like the scoop if you are.