It's FIVES - The Movie!

We’ve had many a chuckle over the years at tales of the ‘FIVES’ method of staff training as used by the head honchos at Dixons Retail, but until now we’ve only been privy to some first-hand testimonies and an audio refresher.

Now an avid Bitterwallet reader who we’ll refer to as Jean (even though his name is Graham) has unearthed this for us – a FIVES training video. If you’ve got arthritis in your toes, you’d better load up on painkillers, because they’ll be curling at a tremendous speed once you get stuck into this…

Have you seen any other brain-melting staff training videos while you've been fannying around on YouTube? Share the pain/knowledge and give us the links in the comments box.


  • blablabla
    Sorry but this video is ANCIENT and has been on Youtube for over THREE years. Not exactly news is it?
  • Rob
    I fancy pizza.
  • Ross
    Excrutiating to watch but no different to any other "training video". Reminds me of my days days with The Link - also another DSG Company. Only thing missing was the "TOP Loop"....
  • dai
    Poppycock! LOL
  • rhodeuk
    Oh sweet mother, should have been marked Not Suitable Whilst Eating Lunch... Just been sick.
  • MarkGrld
    Looking for a great laptop, not too expensive, let's walk away from the apple stuff then, not enough profit there.
  • dirty l.
    "you make it look so easy" "yes, and later I will have more oil pumped out of me so people cant see I am visibly slimy......and I will rape and eat your children!" vomit ahoy!
  • SFJ
    Oh thanks, now I have to kill myself
  • Sicknote
    Talking to another human being without being a cock........."you make it look so easy...." I've never ever seen staff like this in any DSG store
  • Alexis
    I don't know who to blame more - the scriptwriter, the actors or the cameraman who likes to show everybody nose to nose.
  • Batfastard
    Jesus Christ almighty.......
  • Thumbs
    Missed opportunity to explored their relationship a bit more. She says she’s married but is clearly not wearing her wedding ring, why not? Hope the next episode has them in a massive domestic in the middle of the store as she’s leaving him for the guy at Carphone Warehouse and storms off (but checks back to see how he’s doing)
  • Mike H.
    Thanks for all the info and 'figures' love. I'll pop back home armed with more knowledge and get it cheaper online. Mainly because you use crap sales methodologies that are designed to get you to buy something more expensive and accessories I don't need. WANKERS.
  • haha
    Sweet baby jesus.... no wonder only utter fucking hillbillies buy over priced shite from PC World. There staff have no clue what there doing, i work in IT and me and my mate go in from time to time and pretend to know nothing about IT and then let the "sales" man come over and do his sales patter while playing dumb then asking loads of technical details and watching there tiny little minds over load and eyes glaze over.. haha
  • Steve O.
    Such a sense of FUCKING GET ON WITH IT.
  • me
    Wait a minute, you say this is a genuine training video? If you'd told me it was a complete piss take of the DSGi group, I'd have believed you 100%! So cringey, and the PC World bloke was the type I wouldn't let my kids near. My favourite part was when she told the man a cable can completely change the picture/sound quality, despite the fact they are stood next to HD ready sets and he will most likely connect using an HDMI cable.
  • JD64
    07:39! There's the HDMI sell! A mate of mine was in another electronics store and overheard a lady explaining to a sales person how she had come out of Currys having purchased a DVD player for £40 and been sold a £130 HDMI cable :x
  • Jeebus
    This is the reason why PC World/et al are going down the fucking toilet. About time too.
  • Grumpy
    Eurgh. A couple working in the same company. At least its realistic enough to acknowledge that they wouldn't be able to maintain a relationship if they both worked in the same store. I hope they haven't got a mortgage. They'll be screwed when DSGi eventually goes tits-up.
  • Grumpy
    Offering to walk them to the checkout? Then, when politely refuesed, begging for permission to come along on the greuling expedition? How pathetic.
  • mike
    They're MARRIED??? so basically they're screwing each other AND the customers? Although both would be unsatisfying and leave someone with a feeling they've been molested (and not in a good way).
  • Mhb
    Fucking Spiders - thats up there amongst the worst things I have ever seen
  • oliverreed
  • Ding D.
    WOW time travel is possible then!!! This video is over 4 years old. Get over it!!! At least Dixons are trying to change what they've been historically poor at.
  • ld
    O.F.F.S And what are their poor kids going to be like ??
  • Lemax
    This is no worse than any other training video that you'd find on Youtube. @Haha That actually makes you a bigger cunt than the people in this video.
  • Zleet
    Colonel Sanders has a son who is a lawyer? Also how did the lass think that would go "Yes I will take the TV", "Oh, sorry I don't actually work here".
  • killmenow
    did she say take me through 5s or take me in the isles - dirty ba$tards [email protected] and out of interest why the feck are you working in the wrong store - idiot man she is fecking ugly - id never get an erection again waking up next to that.
  • Bob
    Pretty much everyone I know who works for DSGi (myself included) thinks Fives is a bunch of bullshit. On paper, it could work well... but in reality it sounds scripted, forced, and makes you look like a total bellend. The only reason it hasn't been dropped is because when DSGi was on very thin ice, it was heralded as the "saviour" of the company, and so all the managers were told to worship Fives and virtually kill anyone not using it... I don't know anyone who actually properly uses the Fives selling techniques, simply because they are so shit.
  • Dr. S.
    The problem that all tech-related shops have (except Richer Sounds/Apple - or at least not yet anyway) is that any sane person only uses them to go in and have a look before they order for much less off the net (unless you're a posh twat then go to Harrods or somewhere and get ripped off). Why get ripped off and have to endure 15 minutes or so of pressure selling (usually a shitter product which just happens to be on-sale after being ridiculously overpriced in the first place) followed by the attempted "fraud" that is the extended warranty/service agreement.

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