Want to be a homeowner? Prepare for a Guantanamo grilling

If you want a mortgage, you’ll soon have to endure an intrusive THREE HOUR INTERVIEW with your bank, who will ask you a gazillion questions about your personal life, such as whether you’re trying to have children.

The FCA has introduced a serious of tedious checks, which will apply both to first time buyers and long term borrowers, and the application process sounds like that tense scene in Green Card where Gerard Depardieu has to remember the name of Allie McDowell’s face cream. (What do you mean you haven’t seen Green Card??)

You’ll need to provide minute details of your income and outgoings, and you also have to prove whether you’ll still be able to afford your home if interest rates go up. Some banks will ask if you can afford a 1% rise – but if you’re borrowing big – up to £250,000, you’ll have to prove that you can cope with a whopping 7% rise – £500 more a month than you actually have to pay. So even if you could afford the actual mortgage repayments, you may be refused a loan.

Obviously, this test is an attempt to futureproof borrowers when interest rates inevitably go up, and to force lenders to re-examine the short term deals they offer. But it also seems like a cruel dashing of home owning dreams, especially if people can technically afford the repayments.

The new application process starts on Saturday. Apparently, you’ll also have to balance an orange on your head and walk on your hands in a straight line. Oh, and tell them what colour and texture your stools are.


  • Grammar N.
    Andie Macdowell
  • shakesheadsadly
    Umm. Surely being able to prove you can still afford the loan WHEN the intrest rates go up is a good thing? There is no way that they won't, and if you're over stretched before that happens, you be in serious trouble after. "seems like a cruel dashing of home owning dreams, especially if people can technically afford the repayments" I think having your house repossessed and being turfed out on the street is slightly worse than the above, Lucy.
  • bob
    This is actually great news for future first time buyers, as limiting the supply of mortgage availability in combination with the upcoming interest rate rises (after the next generel election) will drive house prices down, therefore making the size of mortgage required lower, therefore meaning more first time buyers actually qualifying for a mortgage. Don't believe the bullshit about 'shortage of housing stock'. If that were really the case, we would be seeing tens of thousands of families sleeping rough. It's just an excuse to allow councils to open up greenfield sites for housing developments, to boost employment in the construction sector and stimulate the economy.
  • Postman P.
    Or use a mortgage broker and avoid it all.
  • Alexis
    Since when have banks made money from turning away customers ? If you can afford £400 a month, they ain't going to send you packing if £700 would be a struggle.
  • Chewbacca
    @Alexis - where the fuck can you get a house for £400 a month?

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