‘Sorry boss, I can’t come in this year.’

We are a nation of malingerers, according to yet another new survey, this time from LV=. And we’re not just talking a head cold here and there -we’re talking an entire YEAR of absence in the average working Briton’s life.


The National Sickness Report surveyed 2000 full time skivers, I mean workers, and found that stress and depression were the top two reasons for absence. The sheer misery of working full time in an office full of annoying dickheads doing the Herbalife diet required an average of 81 days recovery time. Add the usual viruses, plagues and diseases that ricochet around in the conditioning system, and Britain is losing 131 million days to sickness.

Employees are losing out too – with every snotty tissue and attempted suicide, we could be losing £4671 of our wages over our working life, thanks to the paltry Statutory Sick Pay of just £86.20 a week.

Mark Jones, from LV= said: ‘Often when we talk about workplace absence we look at the cost to businesses. However, we wanted to highlight the impact that being off sick can have on an individual’s finances and lifestyle.The fact that one in three would only receive Statutory Sick Pay indicates that many would be out of pocket and struggling financially.’

Here’s an idea. How about making work not so awful? Few bean bags here and there, tellies, free biscuits...?


  • Grammar N.
    Here's an idea - don't be a pussy about it.
  • Jemima
    I did work experience in a council office and was told the "workers" there were obliged to take their full allocation of paid sick leave because it made others look bad if they didn't.
  • Tits M.
    I run a nice relaxed office, pay full wages even when ill, allow staff to drink at their desk, play games, bring kids in, tools down in the afternoon to go restaurants etc. Out of 10 people who work here, I think staff are off with genuine illnesses probably a day or two every few years, and don't mind people rolling in late. We work hard and we play hard, some people just can't cope with a bit of pressure. If you give them a nice working environment you'll get a lot more from your staff.
  • Dr T.
    Is this a survey from an insurance company trying to sell people life insurance or critical illness cover or some such expensive nonsense that customers will never benefit from because they will wiggle out of paying out on?

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