Oh no! We're going to run out of money!
We might as well kill ourselves right now because the company who print the money for the Bank of England are in all kinds of trouble. We're clearly going to have to resort to trading in turnips and song, or even worse, Dogecoin.
Shares are tumbling (by 26% no less) thanks to De La Rue issuing a profits warning. Presumably, they're not allowed to just print a load of tenners off and sort the whole thing out.
De La Rue make banknotes for loads of countries, as well as being the folks who print the UK's biometric passports. They've said that trading conditions had "deteriorated" and their profits for this year are now expected to be £20m lower than last year.
We're clearly doomed and there's no conceivable outcome where we'll have any money. We're finished. We're entering a Mad Max style Dystopian nightmare, complete with Tina Turner theme song.
De La Rue have said that prices and margins for their printing services and secure paper used for banknotes were lower and that the rates of growth in new business had been slower than expected. To kick them while they're crying on the floor, they were chosen to print Bank of England notes for the next decade, but the value of the contract is going to be lower than they first assumed.
The company said that they expect "the current difficult market conditions" to continue into the next financial year. WE'RE DOOMED! OH GOD WE'RE SO DONE FOR!
De La Rue's operating profits last year were £89.3m instead of the forecast £90m.
"While disappointing to announce this trading update De La Rue, as the market leading banknote printer, remains a strong, profitable and cash generative business. We will continue to pursue efficiency gains, invest in the business and in R&D for the future," said De La Rue chairman Philip Rogerson.
Perhaps we overreacted. Oh well. Normal service resumes.